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Words Lead To Numbers

The last episode of Preston Dirges’ office odyssey introduced Kirsty, the rising star of Leading Edge Cables. Now Kirsty pays a visit to the Business Intelligence team. Will intelligence protect Gordon and Tina from Kirsty’s charming wiles…?

Int. Windowless Basement Office

KIRSTY: Hi Gordon. Hello Tina. I dropped round to check you guys…

TINA: (whispered under her breath) I’m a girl.

KIRSTY: …are coming out tonight, and to get the data for my monthly management report, of course.

GORDON: What’s happening tonight?

KIRSTY: It’s the leaving drinks for Belinda, the COO’s executive assistant.

GORDON: The woman who had the affair with Tyler from Marketing?

Kirsty pretends to hit Gordon with her tablet computer.

KIRSTY: That’s wicked gossip, Gordon. You’re a regular scandal-monger.

GORDON: Look at the sign on the door. We know everything that’s worth knowing.

KIRSTY: Does that mean you have ways of making the girls talk, Gordon? Then I won’t need to tell you where to come tonight, will I?

GORDON: The Basset Hound, starting straight after work.

KIRSTY: Good guess! But wrong. Belinda wanted to go to the King’s Arms instead. It’s too quiet for my liking, but Belinda doesn’t want a wild night – I hear that she’s preggers. That won’t stop the rest of us from having fun, will it? I’ll see you down there.

GORDON: Yep, I’ll be there, definitely.

Gordon looks towards Tina.

KIRSTY: And you too, Tina, of course.

TINA: Of course I’m coming. I wouldn’t want to miss it.

KIRSTY: That’s great, then I’ll see you both down there.

Kirsty turns to leave, then stops and turns back again.

KIRSTY: Naughty Gordon. You got me distracted and I nearly forgot you owe me an update – on the value that BI has added to the business. You know, the one you promised me last month, and the month before…

Gordon looks to Tina and Tina looks back.

TINA: Yeah, we’ve not finished that yet.

GORDON: We’re still crunching the numbers.

KIRSTY: Come on, Gordon. You’re bluffing again. I can tell by your eyes.

GORDON: You can tell by my eyes? But I didn’t move my eyes. I was looking straight into your eyes.

Tina is so tense that she snaps the pencil in her hand.

KIRSTY: You can’t fool me, Gordon. Look, it’s no biggee, but you gotta give me something to spin. You don’t want to be known as the Business Intelligence team that doesn’t know how much value they add. So give me whatever you’ve got.

TINA: We just run data reports for other people. We don’t know what they use the results for.

KIRSTY: Really?

Kirsty turns to Gordon.

KIRSTY: You surprise me. I’d have thought you research a few ideas of your own.

GORDON: There is something I’ve been working on.

Gordon starts to click at his mouse.

TINA: That’s not finished yet, is it Gordon?

GORDON: It’s finished. Kirsty, take a look, I’ve worked out a cool way to make more money, by simply changing the lengths of the leads that we sell.

KIRSTY: How much money, Gordon?

GORDON: It should boost profit margins by 8%, maybe 10% across the board.

KIRSTY: Show me the detail.

TINA: Gordon, don’t you think you need to validate the model some more, before sharing it?

KIRSTY: That’s fine, Tina. I just need to understand the model, in order to explain to management what good work you’ve both been doing.

Gordon points out some numbers on screen. Tina crawls under her desk. Gordon’s computer loses power.

GORDON: Tina? Did you knock my power lead?

Tina climbs out from under her desk.

TINA: Oh, did I? I’m sorry. My network cable needed a wiggle, again.

KIRSTY: Well, Gordon, I’d still really like to see that spreadsheet. I’m sure the COO would find it fascinating.

Gordon pulls a keychain with a memory stick from his pocket.

GORDON: I’ll just give you a copy to go over. It’s self-explanatory.

KIRSTY: You also have it on a memory stick?

GORDON: I worked on it at home.

Kirsty holds out her hand. Gordon slips the memory stick off his keychain, and drops it into Kirsty’s hand.

KIRSTY: Aren’t you going to give me a key as well, so I can drop by when I like?

Gordon cannot think of an answer. Kirsty smiles.

KIRSTY: Thanks Gordon! Now I’d better get on with my rounds. See you tonight! (pause) And see you tonight as well, Tina.

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