This poem is a present for an old friend who needs nothing and has more than she knows.
Being as great as you are
I thought of how to unleash you
Using your precious freedoms
To reveal your potential
Words can be spent cheaply
Though your dreams are dear
So I decided to task you
And dispel lingering fear
Praise yourself on your website
Wear a hat in the office
Have a nap in the toilet
And eat a big sausage
Do your yoga all wrong
Have a bath til you prune
Wear your glasses back to front
Plant booby traps in your room
Let the children run wild
Take a pee in the gents
Walk out of a meeting
And then go home instead
Smash a big watermelon
Dye your eyebrows bright blue
Allow yourself to get lost
And write a tale about you
Leap into a pool
With your clothing still on
Argue with strangers on Twitter
Til you’ve proven them wrong
Build your dream shed
Pencil on a moustache
Demand a huge pay rise
Then wipe your bum with the cash
Start a whole new religion
Offer your dentist a sweet
Go jogging backwards
Change the name of your street
Wrestle a giant teddy bear
Give a stranger a muffin
Frame your nail clippings
Invent a solar-powered oven
Spray paint your garden
Master tiddlywinks
Write to an agony aunt
Saying you don’t care what she thinks
Knit yourself a bikini
Pinch a mannequin’s bottom
Bite into an onion
Remember something forgotten
I give all these objectives
But you’ll pick and you’ll choose
No gift could prompt improvement
Because you’re already you
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