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A New Proposal

Would you believe that I get fan mail? Today, I am turning over Halfthoughts to a fellow who regularly sends me very interesting letters. He is Prince Karl Zeis, and he is a member of the deposed Royal Family of Delfthia, which he tells me was a small country snuggled between Macedonia and Bulgaria. These days he resides at 7 Hoey’s Court, Bidlun. His letter begins:

Dear Eric,

As a diligent follower of topical affairs, you will not have failed to notice the weekly outpouring of terrible stories about what is happening to the youth of our nation, about how they are treated shabbily by their parents, and about how, in turn, they often become woeful and immature parents themselves. Our newspapers are filled with reports of young souls, abused and neglected beyond the point of normal human compassion by their mothers and fathers, who should be their providers and protectors, not their persecutors. Many of these parents seem scarcely old enough to take care of themselves, never mind an infant. Whether they are simply too childish to properly bear the responsibilities that come with bringing new life in the world, or whether their natures are fundamentally rotten and uncaring, these individuals are giving birth to generations of despair that in turn give birth to further generations of despair. Despite the humane policies our caring society and its agents, the government, their numbers seem to be flourishing, not receding. It were as if countless interventions by our Social Services can do nothing to improve the lot of what has been called an ‘under-class’, though I would say the issue has rather less to do with class and rather more to do with breeding, so that we might better describe them as an ‘under-breed’.

Recent years have brought forth the most shocking string of stories, though it must be noted that the roots of such events grow not in the space of a few years, but in the slightly less than two decades it takes to gestate these emergent adults, who whilst sexually mature are under-developed in seemingly all other regards of being able to fend and provide for themselves and their own offspring. This very week, we heard about the newborn arrival of a fifteen year old mother, and thirteen year old father. The new baby was conceived whilst the father was merely twelve. In The Sun, the pint-sized pater of Eastbourne was said to have naively expressed, no doubt in exchange for an interview fee, his intention to be a ‘great’ father to his child, though he was unable to account for how his pocket money would cover the costs of nappies. A few months earlier, we read of the imprisonment of one dam, a Ms. Matthews of Dewsbury, mother to seven children by five different fathers. Ms. Matthews plotted the kidnap of her nine year old daughter in order to gain a reward of £50,000 from a national newspaper, and of another £500 from a kind and generous neighbour who had been taken in by her deception. Ms. Matthews repeatedly lied and connived, playing on the sympathies of anyone who would listen, and causing the police force to waste £3.2m searching for a daughter which the mother knew had been drugged and hidden at an accomplice’s house. There are, of course, many more, and some far more wretched stories of abuse and neglect of our nation’s young, which range in their awfulness from battery to incest, and in which common themes are the absence of a reliable head of the family and other authority figures, the dependence on benefits as a source of income, the irresponsibility of parents to take care of their children and the pressure placed on welfare agencies to occupy the vacuum created without resorting to the drastic tactic of removing child from parent. I have no need to recount them all, as you will be familiar with them already. Instead, I would like to share with you a new proposal I have for preventing the children of irresponsible parents in Britain from becoming an intolerable burden to their parents or country, but instead will give them a life that will benefit the child, the parents, and the general public.

The astute reader will have noticed here some similarities between Prince Zeis’ letter, and a well-known work of 1729, sometimes referred to as ‘A Modest Proposal‘. I congratulate those readers who spotted the connection. However, any suggestion that the letter is a satire in the same vein was dispelled when Prince Zeis goes on to write:

Reflecting on the challenges faced in this day and age, my thoughts turned to the genius of a pamphlet commonly known as ‘A Modest Proposal’, which was published anonymously in the 18th Century and which concerned the treatment of similarly distressed children in Ireland at that time. Though it was published anonymously, ‘A Modest Proposal’ has since been attributed to the satirist Jonathan Swift, but I think this connection is unfortunate. Though Swift was an eloquent man of letters, I doubt the real author of ‘A Modest Proposal’ wrote in jest. I rather believe that it was convenient to dismiss it as satire, rather than embrace the conclusions of this radical but worthy manifesto for improving the lot of the Irish people in general, and its children in particular. Let me assure you that my new proposal, whilst far less barbarous than that given in ‘A Modest Proposal’, is every bit as serious.

Today, there is only one job available in our society that requires no interview, needs no qualifications, necessitates no prior experience, has no minimum age limit other than that stipulated by our own biological clocks, permits no mechanism for being dismissed, and which guarantees a lifetime of pay and lodging to anybody who applies. That is the job of bringing a child into the world. In an inversion of our values, we entrust this solemn responsibility to people we would not trust with the most menial roles in our workforce. The consequence is that it becomes the preferred career path for anyone unable to countenance the hardships and sacrifice taken on by those of us who first make a living for ourselves, and having done so, only then look to share it by raising a family. In the cruelest irony of all, those that work first, and parent second, find themselves getting older and older before they can afford to start a family, not least because of the burdens of paying a share of their income to feed the mouths brought into this world by those who are less temperate, disciplined and restrained. Sex education is folly, as our young adults are perfectly versed in the knowledge they really need to survive and prosper, which is not one of abstinence, strong relationships, or even of using contraception when enjoying the pleasures of the flesh, but which is instead an understanding of how to wring wealth from the welfare society will provide more for them, and which increases the rewards for every newborn dependent that suckles from it.

We cannot undo what has been done. Children once born cannot be unborn. We, as a communty, must take care and cherish every life, even if the parents are unable to do their fit and proper part. However, we must find a way to break the cycle of dependency, whereby the child learns their values from the parent, and in turn mimics their ambition of spending a life idling and enjoying the comforts gifted by the state. We must find something productive for these children to do, instead of just growing up to emulate their parents, breed more children, and expect that somebody else will pay for their health care and education, so that when they too reach adolescence, they will also line up for the guaranteed job of becoming a parent. Of course, there are people in Britain that want to work, so this proposal is by no means meant to cover all of them. Nevertheless, the recent reports of an increase in employment by foreigners living in Britain, and a similar decrease in jobs done by Brits during the same period, tells its own story that there are jobs but that many Brits lack the skills and motivation to get them. This should be little wonder, that jobs are going to hardworking foreigners whilst we educate a slice of our own people to take it for granted that its needs will be catered for. I use the words ‘our people’, for although my ancestors were the rulers of the country of Delfthia, and I still live in hope of the resurrection of this lost zion, I now consider Britain to be my home, and I wish to share some of the wisdom that my forebears used when they governed their tiny but unspoiled kingdom.

It is no wonder British children are in the mess that they are. If their parents were not bad enough, take a look at their role models. A young lady who goes by the remarkable name of Peaches Geldof was in the public eye recently because of her marraige, and then soon after because of her divorce. Ms. Geldof is not yet twenty years of age, but can already claim a failed marriage. The trivialization of a sacred institution diminishes us all. Thankfully, the union was without progeny, but it still sets a terrible example to our young, especially as Ms. Geldof has been held up as an example and spokesperson for her age group. Her father Bob should smack her legs, except that would probably lead to his punishment in this topsy-turvy world. Part of the reason for our young lacking ambition is that everything is presented to them as being available, no matter how ridiculous or unrealistic that might seem. Take a look at all the extraordinarily ordinary “celebrities” whose only virtue seems to be being just like any other oik, except they somehow have become well-connected by virtue of birth or being randomly chosen for so-called “reality” television. None of them seem to have ever done a proper job, but they are paraded everywhere, fueling the unrealistic ambitions of our youth who imagine that they, too, will somehow land careers as singers and fashion models, and it is just a matter of time until they are ‘discovered’. There are many examples…

For the sake of brevity, I have not republished the next twelve pages of Prince Zeis’ letter, which contains an exhaustive A to Z list of every person in the public eye that the Prince considers to have attained a lucrative job in the absence of any talent. As a summary, the list included such people as Keith Allan, Lilly Allan, Tim Allen, and Alex Zane. I only skim-read the names between A and Z, but I think perhaps Gary Lineker and Prince Harry were in the litany.

At the same time we are facing a unprecedented array of crises. There is a housing crisis, with fewer and fewer homes being built to house our ever-larger population and too few able to afford the houses that have been built; a financial crisis during which we must also borrow from ‘our’ children (whose children? not the ones trained to live on benefits!) to create jobs whilst continuing to pay benefits to the workshy; and an environmental crisis as we burn the last of our fossil fuels, and turn more and more of this green and pleasant land into brown and ugly housing estates. There is a solution. Unlike the anonymous author of ‘A Modest Proposal’, I am not advocating the eating of babies. Though brilliant, his policy could be considered rather unethical in our day and age, and was not taken seriously enough even in his own. However, I did wonder if there was a productive use to which our children could be put. Whilst mulling this over, I by chance found myself watching a rather entertaining fantasy movie on the television. This film is known by the name of ‘The Matrix’. I gather it is very well known, but if you are not familiar with the plot, let me summarize for it you. In the future, the human race are hypnotized by machines into thinking they are living ordinary lives, when in fact everybody sits in a warm bath of goo, has their food and waste supplied and removed by tubes, and spend all their time playing one big video game. The game is so realistic, and the people have played it since such an early age, that they believe the game is reality and have no idea what the reality of their situation is. In the story, one character discovers he is in the game, and decides to rebel, swapping a life in which he had a successful IT career, and all the advantages that come with it in terms of housing, recreation, social life, fashionable clothes etc, for a life of wearing rags and serving as crew on some ghastly floating ‘ship’ which roams a barren ugly Earth and where the only food is snot. Another, rather more rational crew member on his ship decides he would rather be back playing the game, and the story unfolds accordingly as the protagonist and antagonist conspire to fulfill their respective ambitions. In this fictional future, the reason given for why the machines, who rule the world, should choose to keep the humans alive in a game-playing alternative reality is that they use these people as a source of energy. Whilst watching this movie, and thinking about ‘The Modest Proposal’, a solution came to me in a moment like that when Achimedes shouted “Eureka”! What do we have too much of? People. What do we have too little of? Energy. It appears to me that now, uniquely in history, we have an opportunity to solve our environmental difficulties by utilizing the most renewable resource of all, which is our own ever-climbing livestock of human beings.

People are a wonderful resource, and deeply underexploited, as can be seen from the growing numbers of unemployed. It is cheap, easy and enjoyable to make new people, which is why individuals of even extremely limited ambition and accomplishment continue to do so in large numbers. Unlike most jobs, making children requires no education, as proven by the failure of so much education designed to discourage baby-making. We have six billion people on the planet already, and the number keeps rising every moment. There can be no doubt that of all the commodities, the one least likely to be in short supply is the supply of new people.

Of course, we could not all live in a world of an alternate reality. There are still many roles that can only be performed by people in the real world. Not everybody would be willing to live their life in a fantasy. However, as is evident from so much of our culture, many others already do live a life of total fantasy. My proposal has the merit of being purely voluntary in nature. It will give people, and most especially the children who are likeliest to see the advantages compared to being ill-treated at home, the option, if they desire, to swap their life of meaningless diversions and, quite often, drug addiction, and replace it with one of simple, responsibility-free enjoyment, whilst making a real contribution to the bid to reduce global warming.

Where I disagree with the author of ‘The Modest Proposal’ is that his proposal, for breeding the children of the poor to be sold as food, left the children with no say in how their lives turned out. I believe my proposal could be made to work on a purely voluntary basis, as agreed to by both parents and children. Parents would receive a one-off financial reward for permitting the children to join the programme. Children would enjoy a lifetime of bliss, never needing to grow up or take on adult responsibilities, and having all their most compelling needs taken care of. I also believe my proposal can be realized with technology currently available today.

In ‘The Matrix’, the machines that ruled the world went to great trouble to fool people into thinking the virtual reality they inhabited was real. I see no reason why they should have done that. Given the choice of eating snot and knowing about it, and eating snot through a tube but being given the sensation of eating lobster, I think a great many people would gladly aid and abet the creation of a delusion that would help them to escape a grim reality. It must be just the same for many inhabitants of council houses up and down our country. Is not the rise of reality television, proof, if any were needed, that people live their lives in a fantasy, escaping their wretched reality by imagining themselves as stars and celebrities, irrespective of their complete lack of talent, the vacancy in place of where their self-discipline and dedication should be, and, in short, their total unwillingness to do a hard day’s work? I say we should just give a great many of these people what they want. My programme would involve running a roadshow, going up and down the country, offering to enroll anybody who is willing in special green energy programme. Once in the programme, the participants would spend every day lying in a bath, entertained by a full package of satellite television channels and all the latest video games, being fed through a tube and able to email and text their mates without ever needing to leave home, do a day’s work, sign on, lie in order to claim benefits or, in short, anything else. That offer would be topped up a guarantee of limitless drugs of any description: alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, temazepam, nicotine or any narcotic cocktail that is imaginable, all of which would be fed intravenously through the feeding tube for a guaranteed effective high. This is an offer that I believe would have very many willing takers. Once those people have been locked away in their entertainment cells, which would be roughly the same size as prison cells, but so much better occupied because there would be no need to first commit a crime, we would use the same technology as described in ‘The Matrix’ to extract the occupant’s body heat and hence provide cheap and plentiful power for the reduced population living outside. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

Firstly, the plan will give young people a purpose in life which currently they lack, alleviate them from the burden of going to schools when they see no value in education and hence will not prosper from it, and consequently reduce the problem of truancy.

Secondly, the parents who so willingly breed, but otherwise have little interest in their offspring, will receive the financial rewards they desire without the need to care for their little ones.

Thirdly, human beings being plentiful, whereas our fuel reserves are dwindling, we shall have a sustainable long-term source of power which is not dependent on the willingness of other nations to provide it to us and which we can ably provide more of as needed.

Fourthly, by giving drug takers a simple and happy solution of how to provide for their addictions, we will reduce their stress and discomfort, remove them from places where they might be a bad influence for others, and greatly diminish the extent of robbery and theft used to finance their drug-taking and which currently fuels organized crime.

Fifthly, by sanctioning and controlling the production and import of drugs for the purpose of this programme, the government will be able to establish long-term and beneficial relations with drug-producers at home and overseas, and thus use this new economic footing to combat and diminish the vital connections between the illicit drugs trade and terrorism. The government will also be able to reduce the overall cost of drugs manufacture and importation, as borne by the economy as a whole, by negotiating bulk purchasing rates in a similar fashion to that used to procure pharmaceuticals for the National Health Service.

Sixthly, by keeping a large segment of the population happy and occupied on a permanent basis, whilst housed in only relatively small blocks by virtue of the narcotic and audio-visual entertainment options offered, the pressure on many other aspects of life will be reduced for the remainder of the populous. Challenges to public transport, pollution levels, greenbelt preservation, food production, the supply of quality housing and even providing for our energy needs will be diminished in line with the increase of residents in the programme’s virtual-reality cells.

Seventhly, although I expect that medical science will face some challenges in maintaining the health of the programme’s inhabitants, who will be denied the opportunity to leave the cells and hence to gain ordinary exercise, I believe there will be a number of trade-offs that will more than compensate overall. Providing an exercise bike in the cellrooms might afford an additional mechanism of generating electricity, whilst offering a secondary form of entertainment analogous to a hamster’s wheel. With that in mind, it might be better to give the occupants wheels they can run inside instead of bikes, but I am not sure if constraints on the dimensions of each room would preclude this. What is certain is that limiting the calorie intake fed to the programme’s occupants, as supplied through their individual feeding tubes, will solve the problem of the propensity to obesity, whilst also making it easier for the nutritional needs of the rest of the population to be sourced from local, organic farms.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For example, if the population thus occupied starts to outgrow our needs, we may be able to sell the energy they produce to other nations, or better still, just export a number of the programme’s inhabitants to other countries and allow them to perform the same energy-generating role overseas. This export might be particularly lucrative when focused on colder nations like Canada or Scandinavia, where instead of using body heat to generate energy, it might be more suitable to build commercial apartment blocks with narrow cells in the walls between each residence, and use the combined bodyheat to keep the whole building warm.

In the words of ‘The Modest Proposal’, let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of stopping the practice of rewarding the parents for the creation of the child: Of turning the right to reproduce into the privilege it should be: Of licensing and of taxing mothers for every birth beyond the first two or three: Of terminating pregnancies in very young mothers for the good of society, if not their health: Of sterilizing the serial breeders who cannot exercise self-control: Of re-balancing the rights of a parent to have children with the rights of everyone else not to be mandated to feed, clothe, educate and protect those children when the parents will not or cannot: Of teaching our young adults that creating new life is itself a lifelong pleasure, commitment and responsibility, not the byproduct of a momentary thrill and a fast track to lifelong economic security and indolence. Lastly, of putting a spirit of fortitude, self-reliance and purpose into the wastrel dependents who ask not how society should provide for them, but only that society should provide for them. Such plans would be outlandish and incredible, and we sorely need to be practical if the rising under-breed is not to get out of control.

I have also sent similar letters to my MP, the Prime Minister, the EU and the Secretary-General of the UN. Whilst I anticipate some scepticism, I am hoping that with the support of prominent individuals like yourself, it will be only a matter of time before public sympathy is won over to the cause and the government institutes a nationwide plan of the type I suppose. I hope I can count on your backing in raising awareness of this bold but very necessary plan to your readers. If this plan is not accepted, I should be very glad so long as some other plan, with as realistic a hope of success, is offered instead. There may be other proposals, like mine, but superior to it, but which lie disregarded or unpronounced because good men fear that they will be held to ridicule, that they will suffer scorn for raising them and expounding their merits, and because self-serving and narrow groups find greater advantage in raping the majority of our nation, and making many pay the price, than in tackling the problems of the minority, and thus reducing the cost to our society. These are the new proposals that we need, else the present conditions will merely continue to encourage a growth in the number of dependents, the number of suffering children brought into the world by uncaring or ill-equipped parents, and the burden placed on the remainder of us, so that if tackled later, the solutions must necessarily be more pronounced and more radical in order to redress the balance and restore equity amongst our people.

I can assure you, from my heart, that I have nothing to gain from making this proposal. It is meant only for the good of my fellow citizens, except in so much as I am a citizen, and would hence benefit equally as much as everyone else. My children are grown up and live productive lives, and my wife is beyond her child-bearing years, so I would never be a beneficiary of the incentive payments outlined above.

Yours Sincerely,

Prince Karl Zeis of the Royal House of Delfthia

As Prince Zeis did ask, I felt obliged to publish his letter, though I must now admit I noticed several flaws in the argument. In particular, I am not sure that we have a useful technology for recycling body heat. For example, I am not sure how body heat could be effectively used for making a cup of tea. Nevertheless, it might be that ingenious architects can find ways to include small room-cells within the design of new houses, perhaps located in basements or roofs, and hence provide under-floor heating or enhanced loft insulation. I also imagine some programme entrants might have second thoughts and ask to be released. Perhaps if they were handcuffed to their Playstation controller, so they could never put it down, and had the screen strapped to their eyes like googles, this might help them to better forget about the outside world completely. Nevertheless, despite the flaws in his proposal, at least the Prince is trying to come up with solutions to the problems our society face. If people do not come up with sensible solutions now, I dread to think what proposals the Prince might promote in future…

Top Secret: British PM is a One-Eyed Scot

British politics was shaken by a ‘leak’ from a BBC employee this week. Notable BBC bigmouth Jeremy Clarkson, presenter of a television programme about cars, was caught making outrageous (and accurate) comments about a national leader. Clarkson has been touring Australia with a stage version of the BBC driving show Top Gear (the mind boggles – does Stig test drive hot hatchbacks up and down the aisles in a partial recreation of scenes from the Italian Job?). Whilst on stage, the outspoken celebrity had the ill grace to comment about Kevin Rudd, the Australian Prime Minister. In an unrehearsed outburst, he openly and unashamedly implied that Rudd was an honest politician. This has caused a furore, though seemingly not in the outback.

Ooops, I got confused there. Nobody is upset about what Clarkson said about Kevin Rudd. At least, I cannot find any newspapers saying people were upset about that. In fact I cannot find any newspapers saying anybody who was actually there was upset about that or anything else. But I can find plenty of British newspapers (The Mirror, The Sun, The Guardian and plenty more) reporting how plenty of British politicians (none of whom were at the event) were very upset with what Clarkson said about the British Prime Minister.

The funny thing is, when you compare two things, if one is treated favourably, the other must come off less well. Put simply, Jeremy Clarkson said that Gordon Brown, British PM, was not as trustworthy as Kevin Rudd, at least when it comes to explaining how bad the world’s economic mess is. And that is what has caused the upset, perhaps…

Part of the job of politics is to communicate. Jeremy Clarkson should know all about that. He is a very effective communicator, and his success depends entirely on his ability to amuse audiences by saying things they think are true, but do not hear other people say. There are a lot of politicians who could learn a valuable lesson from how Clarkson builds empathy with an audience by playing the part of the plain-speaker. Politicians do not talk plainly. They say the word ‘rhubarb’ over and over, as if it has some meaning (say it to yourself a few times without pausing – you will get the idea). As of today, whilst we know that a lot of Gordon Brown’s political supporters are upset, it is not very clear what they are upset about. Brown has steered clear of the topic. Brown’s office wisely decided not to pour fuel on the fire and simply said that Clarkson “is entitled to his own interpretation of the economic circumstances”. Last time I checked, in the British democracy, people were entitled to have negative opinions about politicians, as well as positive ones. Democracy would not work well otherwise. Imagine if Clarkson, and everyone else, was mandated to say: “Gordon Brown is as honest as Kevin Rudd who is as honest as David Cameron who is as honest as Nick Clegg who is as honest as George W. Bush who is as honest Tony Blair who is as honest as Barack Obama who is as honest as Ehud Olmert who is as honest as Vladimir Putin who is honest as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who is as honest as Josef Stalin who is as honest as Gandhi who is as honest any other politician or world leader you can think of.” Not everybody is as honest as everybody else. If we cannot voice opinions that say Mr. A is better than Mrs. B at such-and-such, you might as well not bother having a democracy.

For all that, commenting on Brown’s honesty has only been a peripheral cause of complaint. After talking about Kevin Rudd, this is the exact phrase which described Brown and caused all the trouble:

“We’ve got this one-eyed Scottish idiot.”

Why has this upset people? The number one reason, measured by the number of words in each newspaper, is that Clarkson described Gordon Brown as Scottish. The Scottish Labour leader, Iain Gray, responded by saying:

“Most people here are proud that the prime minister is a Scot and believe him to be the right person to get the UK through this global economic crisis.”

Hmmm. I presume Iain Grey is not so silly to believe that Gordon Brown is the right person because he is a Scot, so why he is worked up about the mentioning of something that was, in hindsight, irrelevant?

Coming in a poor second, the next most popular reason for upset was that Clarkson referred to the fact that Gordon Brown has a glass eye, a consequence of an accident whilst playing rugby. The chief executive for the Royal National Institute for Blind, Lesley-Anne Alexander, said:

“Any suggestion that equates disability with incompetence is totally unacceptable.”

Some combined disability and Scottishness into a hybrid cause for fury. Angus Robertson, the Scottish National Party’s leader at Westminster, said the comments were “totally inappropriate” and also said:

“Everyone should be upset about someone making jokes about someone else’s partial blindness and nationality, but knowing Jeremy Clarkson I don’t hold out a lot of hope that he will be apologetic.”

You should re-read that. Everyone should be upset about jokes about disability and nationality. Everyone. What a saint Angus Robertson must be. Perhaps we should follow him around the campaign trail, as he visits the homes of ordinary people, or chats with them in the pub. Because, by his admission, everyone should be upset by jokes about nationality, which includes Scots not making jokes about the English. Do you reckon Angus gets equally upset whenever one of his voters makes an uncouth comment linking their hatred of the English to their reasons for wanting Scottish independence?

The number three reason for alarm, hardly mentioned at all in any of the quotes in any of the newspapers, was that Clarkson implied Brown was not that honest. I could only find one quote that refers to it, and it comes from Lord Foulkes, a former Labour Scottish minister:

“He has insulted Gordon Brown three times over: accusing him of being a liar, having a go at him for having a physical handicap, and for his nationality.

“It is an absolute outrage of the worst kind. Disabled people will be up in arms about it, Scottish people will be angry “” and it should concern all of us that the prime minister has been accused of lying.”

How interesting. Of all the multitudes of people who are upset, the vast majority are only worried by the implication that Gordon Brown is a one-eyed Scot. Only one politician spotted that implying he was dishonest was not very nice. Politicians are liars, so here is a quick fact-check in relation to Clarkson’s comment, which once again was:

“We’ve got this one-eyed Scottish idiot.”

1. Does Gordon Brown have only one eye?

Yes. Unless you count his glass eye as an eye, which it is not, then Brown has precisely one eye.

2. Is Gordon Brown Scottish?

Yes. He was born in Glasgow, was brought up in Kirkcaldy, went to University in Edinburgh and has been an MP for a Scottish constituency for over 20 years. I doubt anyone would question his Scottishness.

3. Is Gordon Brown an idiot?

You can decide that for yourselves. But in the reporting of this fuss and nonsense, I can see plenty of other politicians who seem like idiots to me. They could speak more plainly, like Clarkson. For all the fuss and bother about Brown being a one-eyed Scot (which he is) nobody thought to defend him on the really important point of whether he is an idiot. Calling somebody one-eyed is not an insult, if they have one eye. Despite all the clamour over Clarkson saying Brown is Scottish, there is no reason to believe that Clarkson considered that bit to be the insulting part of his comment. The insulting part of Clarkson’s quote was calling Brown an idiot. However, not one of this mob who so desperately leaped aboard the press quote bandwagon felt it necessary to mention whether they thought Brown was an idiot or not.

All in all, it seems the vast majority believe Clarkson’s mistake was to call Brown a one-eyed Scottish idiot. If Clarkson had simply said ‘Brown is an idiot’, presumably nobody would have had any reason to complain.

An interesting update to the story was that Clarkson issued an apology. However, the apology only covers the ‘one-eyed’ bit of the comment. What an absurd world that a man who makes his living from saying provocative things feels compelled to say sorry for calling a one-eyed man a one-eyed man. At least he did not turn his humour in the direction of farce, and rejected any demands that he say sorry for calling Brown Scottish, as if being Scottish was something that cannot be discussed in polite society. Of course, what the rhubarb crowd who (mis-)manage the country want is for him to say sorry for calling Brown an idiot, but they know they will never get that, and nor should they.

Britain is a democracy, at least on the surface. Our Prime Minister is a one-eyed Scot, and thankfully, nobody thinks that should be a state secret. It is a plain fact. There is no reason to deny it or prevent people saying so openly. Clarkson could call Brown a one-eyed Scot ten thousand times over, and it still would not be an insult. Calling him an idiot in an insult, and implying he is liar is an insult. The chief executive of the RNIB gave the game away with her comment about equating disability with incompetence. If Clarkson called Brown a one-eyed Scottish hero you would not get someone from the RNIB moaning that the reference to the partial blindness of a hero, or somebody from the Scottish Parliament crying fowl that the hero’s nationality was referred to. Everyone caught defending Brown’s disability, or Scottishness, should have a hard think about what they want from this world. Is it unfair to call a Scot an idiot, as if there could be no idiots in Scotland? Is it wrong to point out that a man has both one eye and is an idiot, implying that losing an eye guarantees an above average intellect? Calling somebody one-eyed is not an insult, unless you link it to their also being an idiot. For all this nonsense, Clarkson’s only sin is to have called somebody an idiot at the same time as the other things, but in a PC world gone topsy-turvy, nobody asks him to retract the ‘idiot’ comment…

After all the uproar, hardly anyone thought to defend Brown’s competence, or asked Clarkson to focus his apology on those points. Is this a tacit admission, even by Brown’s supporters, that the British PM is a lying idiot? If you are not going to defend Brown as a politician, he needs no defense for being the one-eyed Scot he is. There is plenty of irony that, in aiming to shout down Clarkson, so many are obviously hoping to grab column inches using pretty much the same tactic as Clarkson himself – saying something daft just to get attention. If our politicians were more dignified, they would have done the opposite of Clarkson, and keep their mouths shut. Brown’s being a one-eyed Scot is a matter of fact, not an insult, no matter how stupidly Clarkson put his jibe. It is certainly not a secret and denying people the right to say facts out loud is ludicrous. Whatever next? Is it okay to call Barack Obama an idiot, good to call him a black hero, but outrageous to call him a black idiot? I keep getting fed up with references to Boreama’s blackness, so you can understand why I find it a little confused that some adjectives need to be repeated ad nauseam when conjoined with praise, but can never be said out loud when mixed with criticism. Either being black or Scottish, or one-eyed is irrelevant, or it is not. The problem with PC ethics is that distinctions between people are encouraged, when linked to something positive, but treated as disdainful when associated with a fault. Logically speaking, being a Scot is relevant to Brown’s competence as PM or it is not. It is hypocrisy to say, on one hand, that you are proud that the PM is a Scot, and on the other to complain about mentioning the PM’s nationality whilst implying he is incompetent.

That Brown is an idiot is a matter of opinion, and is an insult. But the good thing about democracies is that they entertain freedom of speech. Even idiot politicians are allowed to have their say, for what little good that does. I saw that the original Pop Idol winner, Will Young, was a novelty addition to the usual rent-a-gob goons (Chakrabarti, Farage etc) to the BBC’s Question Time this week, which says everything you need to know about the standard of political ‘debate’ in the UK. Not only did he appear, but he was crediting with boosting the ratings to a season high! But however poor debate is, people are entitled to say what they like, and that includes people calling politicians idiot liars if they feel like. Even Will Young knows that. It was Young, the amateur amongst the other all-pro gob squad, who had the courage to point out that the obsession with saying the right thing, and avoiding offense, means “everything is becoming a little bit vanilla”.

Calling a politician an idiot or a liar is fine by the average voter, who would only agree. Demanding censorship of such statements is the real disgrace in this story, and gives the game away on how much these politicians really care for the freedom of speech that democracy depends upon. Thankfully, like Rudd, Clarkson, and the audience of his stage show, there will always be plenty of plain-speakers to tell the politicians when they are wrong – though most of the plain speakers will just ignore all this rhubarb and turn the telly to Top Gear.

*** Update ***

Does Jeremy Clarkson read my blog? Probably not, but it seems he had the same insight into what was right, and wrong, about all the complaints over what he said. So, to make his position clear, Clarkson has said sorry for pointing out that Gordon Brown is a one-eyed Scot. Though this is true, Clarkson says he was wrong to point out Brown’s nationality and disability whilst also calling him an idiot. But Clarkson is not sorry for calling the British PM an idiot! Whilst it seems incredible this non-story has run so long already, I eagerly look forward to what the rent-a-quote crowd say now. Will be they complain that saying Brown is an idiot is unfair to idiots everywhere?

MaV-Eric in Davos

Do you find you never have enough time on your hands? I am always busy, especially now that credit is crunchier than burnt toast with a topping of unbuttered peanuts from a jar that had been inappropriately labelled as crunchy peanut butter. As part of my personal cutbacks, I have had to insource all manner of menial jobs, and had to let go of the Polish Doctor who used to wash my car and the Professor of Ancient History from Budapest who previously hoovered my carpet. That is a little bit of an exaggeration, the car washing and carpet-hoovering have only been un-outsourced, as I have yet to find to fully insource them by doing them myself. I scarcely have time, as I am already so darned busy with other critical activities like writing this blog and implementing my many other economy-beating plans. This week, for example, I purchased two televisions. This will both save money and time spent on going out. Not only will that save me money on non-essentials like going to the cinema, but it will save me the time and cost involved in walking the half a mile to get there. Just think of the reduced expenditure on shoe leather. I can also save on bread as I will burn less calories by spending more time on the sofa. As an accountant who likes to keep up to date with best practice from top CFOs around the globe, I intend to realize, in my own ledgers, all the future gains from reduced cinema, shoe and bread expenditure immediately, whilst thanks to the improving reliability of modern technology I fully intend to spread the cost of the televisions over the next ten years. Credit being what it currently is, I still had to find the cash for the televisions straight away, but you have to spend to save the economy, so it made sense to me. Best of all, I made an arbitrary decision to upwardly revise my forecast of future trips to the cinema. My previous cinema-visitation policy of “only if it’s with a sexually available female” was replaced with a substitute assumption of “must see every ‘must-see’ Hollywood blockbuster”. This generated a 400,000% increase in the number of predicted cinema visits. Because the televisions enable me to cut this much greater number of visits all the way back down to zero, the savings on shoes, bread and cinema tickets will be far higher. This approach has been so effective at saving me money, I could afford to buy two televisions instead of just one. To increase the benefits even more, I am thinking of revising my forecast of would-have-been cinema visits once more, this time based on the assumption that I also would have seen every foreign language film put on general release and every movie featuring either Seth Rogan or Simon Pegg. I calculated that not going to foreign language films that I would not have gone to anyway will reduce my shoe and bread costs by another 0.00062%, whilst not seeing any of the Rogan or Pegg films slated to be released this year will save me about 1,400 hours of otherwise wasted time.

The two-TV plan is not the only scheme I have been working on this week. Everybody knows the world makes too much junk. The lending crisis will prevent many people from upgrading their house, but cuts in tax and massive going-out-of-business sales will leave many bargain-hunters unsure where to put all the new junk they will now accumulate. They could save time and just have the new junk delivered directly to the nearest tip, but that would remove the fun in breaking it first. Putting the junk in storage is expensive, and not a good investment. So I devised a little home enterprise to capitalize on the demand. I planned to offer allocated space in my loft, for a fraction of the price charged by professional self-storage firms. Returning from the DIY store with a new stapladder, I ventured into the roofspace to see how much space could be rented out. This was the first time I had ever been up there, what with being so busy directing the Croatian Doctor of Jurisprudence who remodelled my garden (you really cannot trust these people to do the work unsupervised). I found to my dismay that in my loft there was no space available. Instead of the bare beams and scraggy insulation I had expected, I was devastated to find a modern and well-equipped research laboratory. Pouring through the meticulous notes about the experiments that had been performed there, I found detailed descriptions of a systematic attempt to clone human life. I surmised that Bovis Homes were looking to diversify. As well as making row after row of identical homes for people to live in, they also intended to make row after row of identical people to live in them. Whilst appalled at Bovis’ cynical attempts to drive up demand and house prices, and disappointed that my roofspace storage scheme would come to nothing, I nevertheless spied a new opportunity to save myself valuable time. I called over the lady who does my ironing, formerly the Senior Research Fellow in Genetics at the University of Bratislava, and asked her to assist in some of my own experiments.

Needless to say, we both worked long into the evening. My ironing lady exploited the scarcity of good genetic scientists living in my neighbourhood, and for her trouble she charged me double the going rate for a five kilo bag of mixed laundry. However, it was a good investment, as by the end of the day we had put twenty miniature copies of me into the rapid maturation chambers we built that afternoon. Then it was time for a well earned night of rest. Next morning I eagerly scampered up to the lab to see how the clones were coming along. Fishing them out of the specially-concocted soup of vitamins, egg whites and ProVitaLift anti-wrinkle & firming moisturizer, I was rather disappointed with the results. This was not an army of superhumans fit to seize power and dominate the world’s destiny for all eternity. They were not even very good copies of me, as they each exhibited their own characteristics. Nevertheless, they were mine, or me, or something similar to me at least, and I resolved them to teach them everything I knew, as if they were my own children. I hence sat them down, switched on the telly, and turned the channel to BBC News 24.

One of the more promising clones was labelled #5 in batch M, sample A. Christening himself MaV-Eric, he had a forceful personality and a strong inclination to take the initiative. Having decided that four hours was enough time spent watching the news, I was about to order him downstairs to do the washing-up, but before I could do so he jumped up and announced that he was going to go to Davos to sort out the world’s economic malaise. Perhaps I should have rotated the television channels a little more often, as obviously MaV-Eric had been stirred up by the regular updates about what was happening at the World Economic Forum. Naturally I was against his going, as there was a baking dish with three day old lasagne burnt on to it soaking in the sink, and I had recently had to part ways with the dear old former Soviet rocket scientist who used to do my dishes. However, there was no stopping MaV-Eric and he bounded out of the door, intent on getting to Davos and putting the world’s economy to rights. Whilst anxious about what mischief my clone might get into, I consoled myself with the thought that if he did fix the world’s economy, I could rehire my various Eastern European helpers and get my life back on track. Meanwhile I ordered another clone to get on with the dishes.

Since MaV-Eric left for Davos, he has been sending me regular texts and email updates of what has been happening at the World Economic Forum. As I am far too busy to write this blog, I thought it best to just pass on his highlights:

Off to a bad start. Confused Davos, Swiss ski resort that hosts the World Economic Forum, with Davros, nemesis of Doctor Who and creator of the Daleks. Found Davros in a retirement village just outside of Weston-super-Mare. Took the whole day to hitch-hike there. Not a total waste, as Davros had some interesting ideas about how to run the world differently (amusingly, he always insists on saying ‘rule’ the world differently). He has also made some real scientific breakthroughs in the field of electric transport, having replaced his own legs with wheels that run for ever, create no pollution, and rather marvelously still allow him to get up and down stairs. He offered to make similar modifications to me but I said I wanted to experience my body a little longer before I start to make any changes, which he was initially angry about. He sulked a little while but soon brightened up and agreed to go with me to Davos so he can chip in with his ideas on how to run/rule the world. He has some kind of electric rocket ship so we should be there in a jiffy.

Very disappointing. It took four hours for Davros to climb up the stairs to the rocketship he keeps in his back garden. I asked why he had not installed a Stannah stairlift but he insisted his Dalek wheels were much better for the job. When we finally climbed into the cabin, we found the battery was flat. We’ve just called a cab and are going to travel by Eurostar instead. Davros was deeply embarrassed by the experience and lost his temper at one point, blaming it all on somebody he described as “that nitwit from Gallifrey”. Luckily for me, he was so ashamed that he offered to pay both our fares.

Finally made it to Davos. Met some interesting people on the overnight train from Paris. There was a partner from a law firm called Clifford Chance, an accountant from some business called PwC and the Chief Exec of some oil company called Shell. They said they have all been before and that we should have arranged somewhere to stay long ago, as every hotel would be booked out by now. I said that I still had hope – their predictions had proven wrong in the past. They didn’t find that at all funny and refused to talk to me afterwards. In the end there was nothing to worry about, as the hotels had a lot of last-minute cancellations, mostly from ex-bankers.

Went to listen to what Vladimir Putin had to say, but wasn’t impressed. It seems that the communists have always known about the dangers of the free market which is why they don’t have one and they invested in lots of nukes instead. Now nobody has the money to buy Russian raw materials any more, which they find annoying as they’ve got lots of them and not much of anything else (except the nukes). Davros kept nodding his head and muttering to himself in approving tones, as did the journalists from the Russian news agencies, so Putin had a few sympathizers in the room at least. Went up to Putin after he finished, to ask him what impact the downturn was having on sales of his video, “Let’s Learn Judo With Vladimir Putin.” I started off by aiming a comical ‘judo chop’ at him, but his bodyguards misinterpreted the situation and bundled me to the floor whilst Putin ran from the room, frightened and screaming like a little girl. God knows what that big scaredy cat Putin would do if somebody really launched a serious attack at him, like that guy who threw his shoes at Bush or the fellow who landed an egg on Prescott. Putin would probably have burst into tears. Fortunately Davros had some cunning stun weapon and he knocked the bodyguards all unconscious so we could make a hasty escape.

Just seen Chinese premier, Wen Jiabao, and he wasn’t much better than Putin. Davros didn’t like him and called him ‘Who’ Jiabao, saying he was an alien overlord who had come to Earth to turn us all into mindless drones. Davros also complained that Wen always snubbed him at the alien megalomaniac parties they both got invited too. According to the Chinese Premier, the problems of the world all stem from the lack of self-discipline in Western banks. Presumably to have disciplined banks, they must be run by political appointees, accountable to the government, instead of businessmen, accountable to the bank’s owners. He must be glad that the West seems to be coming around to his way of thinking, by taking taxpayers money and nationalizing the banking industry. I shouted a question about whether Chinese self-discipline also extended to reducing lead paint for children’s toys and melamine in milk. He pretended not to understand but at least I got a giggle out of Davros.

Out in a swanky nightclub. Davros is literally doing a spin on the dancefloor – he dances like he’s a big dodgem but the girls don’t seem to mind him going “bumper to bumper” if you know what I mean. But then I suppose Angela Merkel doesn’t get much action these days, and Davros’ dancing is a lot less creepy than having George W. grabbing you from behind. I started the evening hoping to do some celebrity spotting, but the bar staff said that none of them had come this year. Bono’s taken a break from writing his newspaper column and giving lectures about economic development in the third world to spend time on one of his pet projects – apparently he also sings in some Irish rock band called “You Too?” (which sounds like a stupid name if you ask me). Sharon Stone was busy washing her hair, Michael Douglas was playing golf, and Peter Gabriel was doing whatever he does (the barman wasn’t sure what that is). It seems that hanging out with the world’s elite isn’t so good for sales of albums and films when it becomes obvious they’ve made a mess of things.

Saw Tony Blair on some panel about the values of capitalism. Not bad for a guy who was leader of what was once a socialist party. He talked about all his friends who were investment bankers and said that values were important. Then he said some other words and some other words and I couldn’t work out what he was talking about but he made it sound like he was a nice person who cared deeply about things. I was going to ask him a question about economics but I thought that might be a bit mean, as he obviously doesn’t know anything about that, so I asked him about fluffy bunny rabbits instead. Blair gave a considered answer and concluded that fluffy bunny rabbits were good and we needed to look out for their interests within the context of strong international relationships based on common values including social justice. He took another question from the floor about the impact of the slowdown on economic and political relations in the Middle East, and Blair answered that peace in the Middle East depending on a network of core values between international leaders with the courage to have relationships with common values including social justice. Somebody then asked about the need for market liberalization to assist with the development of Africa, and Blair answered, in considered tones, that we had moved from the old cliches of international aid and needed to forge a new global network, based on shared and common values of social justice, which would have the courage to realize the interests of Africa within the context of strong international relationships. Somebody then asked Tony Blair to remind everyone how many millions he was paid to meet the clients of JP Morgan, the US investment bank, and questioned whether Blair was the right person to talk on a panel about the values of capitalism and the need to improve the regulation of the greedy banking sector. Blair told him to piss off.

I found out Gordon Brown was talking in Davos, so I snuck in the back to listen. I could barely hear him over the snores, and found myself falling into a deep coma moments later. Davros shocked me with his electric cattleprod and dragged me out, only barely conscious. Now I know why Blair wouldn’t let him take over for so long.

Caught a panel with Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook and a lot of other bores from Microsoft, Duetsche Telekom et al. Apparently lots more phones, internet, web 2.0, social networks etc are going to make the world a much much better place. I asked about how a slump in advertising fitted with the dominant business models but somebody else spoke over me and gave an uplifting story about how Twitter and Facebook had been used to enable communication between a group of individuals wanting to illegally restore Burmese architecture without the permission of the ruling junta. Let’s hope Vladimir Putin and Wen Jiabao weren’t listening to the live webcast or they’ll be in blind panic about the threat to their regimes – or maybe not. I caught Mark Zuckerberg after the talk and asked if he really thought Facebook was making the world a better place. He laughed and demanded that I tell him more about myself first. I refused and then he said “you’re not my friend so I’m not going to talk to you”. Davros tried his stun ray on him, but Zuckerberg was surrounded by a forcefield, causing Davros some nasty feedback and making him blow a circuit or two. Davros said he’d had the original idea for Facebook but that Zuckerberg had stolen it whilst they were at college together on the planet Skaros eight hundred years ago. I said that his Facebook page said he was only 24, but Davros just laughed and said I shouldn’t trust anything I read on the internet.

There’s a big cardboard cut-out of Barack Obama in the lobby of one of the luxury hotels. You can stand beside it and have your picture taken with the new leader of the free world. I was going to wait in line but got fed up when Gordon Brown pushed ahead of me in the queue. Brown put his arm around the cutout, but when he did, I could swear I saw the cutout yawning.

Bumped into Rupert Murdoch in the hotel bar, and he was chatting with his pal, Al Gore. Murdoch was talking about how his new 3D, high-definition television was so good, it was like the person was in the room. Davros butted in and asked Gore if he could help him with his revolutionary designs for electric transport. Gore looked bemused and said nobody would ever take his ideas seriously. That upset Davros and he spat back that they’d take it as seriously as a man who couldn’t beat George W. Bush in an election and who since then has spent his time flying all over the world to talk about the threat of climate change. Murdoch cut in but before he could make his point, Davros barked at him that if his high-def TV was so good, then why didn’t he stay at home and communicate through his satellite link, instead of coming all the way to Switzerland in person. I made some joke about ‘inconvenient truths’ as I dragged Davros away, but nobody laughed.

Looked at the signage around the World Economic Forum: “entrepreneurship in the global public interest”. Hmmm. The same people have been coming here, serving the global public interest for over thirty years. Imagine the mess the world would be in without them. Now imagine the mess the world is in with them. Then take a look at the expense accounts to get all these people to this up-market ski resort. It makes me wonder if the world would be a better place if they all stayed home and did something useful instead. Then again, maybe these people don’t do anything useful – their skill is getting ahead in the global rat race, not in reforming it. Davros is fed up because nobody is interested in his electric wheels and is threatening to obliterate the whole town as an act of revenge. I’m trying to persuade him to go back to Weston-super-Mare and have a cup of tea. But before I do I’m going to enjoy the one thing this town is good for, and the one thing that all these world leaders do seem to be able to deliver: a long downhill slide.

Those were the highlights from my clone, MaV-Eric, who spent the week at the World Economic Forum at Davos. I do hope he is not going to go next year, as it sounds like he does not really understand what globalization is all about. Perhaps instead of making him watch TV news, I should have introduced him to my next-door neighbour, the former economics professor from the University of Warsaw. I would have had him over to talk to the clones, but I did not want to disturb him. He has been working the night shift, stacking shelves at Asda, which is the only job he can get now his building skills are no longer needed by the once rampant hordes of buy-to-let “property developers”.

That is all from me, as I am far too busy to write any more on this blog. All the time I saved by getting my new clones to do the household chores has been spent investigating options to outsource my blogging. Apparently there’s a guy in the Philippines who will ghost-write my blog for less than ten cents per thousand words. That sounds like a good deal to me, but first I will experiment with allowing a monkey to do it by hitting a keyboard randomly. According to the internet, Shakespeare used monkeys to write all his plays. The “Do It With Monkeys” group on Facebook also says monkeys do no worse than average when it comes to making investment decisions. If MaV-Eric does go back to Davos next year, perhaps he should take some monkeys with him and see what mischief they get up to. After all, they are unlikely to make things worse than they already are.

High Hopes for Boreama

US President Barack Obama was inaugurated this week. President of the USA is an unusual job. There are not many jobs where they throw you a really big party on your first day. I guess it makes sense for Presidents, as the first day usually represents the height of their popularity, at least whilst in office. I wonder, does he get paid to attend the party? I imagine he did, or maybe he only clocks on after he makes the oath. Obama probably enjoyed the party, but if he has any sense he should fear his popularity too. The expectations of Obama’s supporters go beyond sky high. They left orbit a while ago and, when last sighted, were half way to Jupiter. I almost feel sorry for the new ‘leader of the free world’ (whatever that means). He will have to go down in history as the greatest ever President, if the trajectory of his delivery is to match the giddy heights of the hopes he has raised.

Next time you’re found, with your chin on the ground
There’s a lot to be learned, so look around

I did not want to write about Obama this week. I was going to wait until the end of his first one hundred days, once he had the chance to actually do something. The US is taking an economic beating. That followed the sucker punches of Iraq and Afghanistan. The collective American chin has hit the canvas. The US deserves at least an eight count before we expect it to get back on its feet. Obama needs time to do his job. However, whilst I would like to let him be, the intensity of media coverage means he is not letting me be. Obama the pop star is all over the place. He dances, people sing to him. People bought lottery tickets in the hope of attending his inauguration and hear him make some speech. If you make a donation at his website, you can get an Obama t-shirt in return. The world of celebrity and politics is getting so similar, I half expect Bono to join the President’s staff. No, I do not want to write about Obama. But like a gadfly, Obama keeps demanding my attention, whether I want to give it or not.

I cannot escape Obama at present, and I do not even live in the US. I live in Britain. Often I feel that Brits go too far in their criticism of Americans. There is a class of Brit that believes they are superior, and look down on their American kin like they are the hyperactive grandkids to Britain’s worldly-wise grandparents. To this segment of British society, Americans are too easily excited, too optimistic, and too willing to let themselves get carried away. To my mind, Brits could learn a lot from American enthusiasm. The American’s pursuit of dreams often carries them much further than a Brit dares imagine possible. Usually I think that. But this week I do not. This week, my ears are ringing with the words of hope. This week, I will not be looking across the ocean to learn from Americans. Even the Brits around me seem to be infected with the same irrational exuberance. This week I am putting my fingers in my ears because all this hope is not teaching me anything. There is enough hope already. Hope is good, but good news is better. I want to hear some news about Obama, and not just that he is the first black President, like being black or being President, or being a combination of the two, should be a cause for celebration in itself.

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant

Obama has some big jobs to do. But he is one man, in the final reckoning. He is a human being. He is the 44th in a line of human beings that includes Washington and Lincoln and FDR and JFK and Ronnie Reagan and Bill Clinton and a couple of Bushes. He is not that different to any of them. Brain. Two arms, two legs. Mouth. Speaks English. Okay, he is way ahead of the 43rd President on that last score, but most of the rest of them were able to talk coherently. He may be a President, but he is not that different to you or me. He has no special God-given gifts or superpowers. He talks, he listens, he thinks, he makes decisions. Some he will get right, some he will get wrong, and that is an end of it. He is an ant in the great hive of humans that infest this lump of rock. Maybe he is a bigger ant than you or me, but an ant all the same. Whatever his hopes and accomplishments, there is nothing he can do that could not be done by somebody else, and nothing he can do as a leader that does not depend on the consent of many others.

Obama’s greatest accomplishment so far, as infernally repeated in every news story, is that he won the election and he is black and that is novel. Forgive me, but I do not find that to be a special accomplishment, compared to the other 43 people in the Presidential line-up. Prejudice cannot be measured on the scale of a single man. Everybody encounters prejudice in this world. Some encounter more, some encounter less. Some prejudices are common, others are not. Some are easy to categorize, others are not. Some are easy to describe, others are not. Everybody could complain about prejudice. Beautiful women complain about not being taken seriously. Young people are ignored. Old people are disregarded. Some people have the wrong accent. Some people went to the wrong school. White middle class men are branded as white middle class men – and hence damned for being the supposed oppressors of everyone else. There are probably people with irrational prejudices against anyone with a long nose, or against anyone who grows a beard, or against anyone less than five foot tall, or against anyone who folds their arms left over right instead of right over left. Abraham Lincoln probably suffered prejudice because he was pig ugly. I am sorry for the people who have the prejudices, and I am sorry for the people who suffer the prejudices. If Barack Obama encountered some prejudice in this world because he had a black father, then I am sorry for that, but that does not mean his accomplishments are automatically greater because of it. I do not know about all the prejudices, all the obstacles, all the trials and tribulations of Obama, and not do I know about them for the other candidates for his high office. Less still do I know about the prejudices faced by all the people who might have, would have, should have, could have been President if only the world worked out differently. What if Obama had been killed in a car accident whilst a teenager? What if some teenager killed in an accident had not? Our fates, whether President or a porter, are determined by a myriad of factors. Our appearance is only one of those factors. There is no divine destiny that made Obama President. If you think elections are determined by a deity, you might as well stay at home and not cast your vote. No, men and women picked Obama to be President. They made a choice, using their human faculties. They, like many others, made a decision, and that helped shape Obama’s life like his decisions will shape ours. I cannot objectively measure the good luck, bad luck, advantages and prejudices that were heaped on to the scales of Barack Obama’s fortunes, and I am not sure if anyone can. I cannot truly measure Obama’s burdens against those of his peers and rivals. None can compare Obama’s achievements to the achievements of all the people on this Earth. There are people today who will struggle hard just to live until tomorrow. It is not for me to say their struggle was more or less noble than Obama’s ambition to be President. What we do know is that Obama won a popularity contest. He is black and he won a popularity contest. Good for him that he won the contest, and I do not care if he is black. Please, will everybody stop mentioning he is black. I promise not mention it again if everybody else does the same. I simply do not care. Obama’s blackness is, in the most important sense, unimportant to his being the President. If I keep hearing about him being black, I am going to put my fingers in my ears. That would be a shame, as I would like to hear what he is going to do.

Do ants care about the way they look as much as humans seem to do? I suffer from the affliction of being colour-blind. I can tell red from green and blue from yellow. I just cannot tell the difference between a black person and a white person and a brown person and a yellow person. At least, I cannot tell the difference in any way I find to be remotely interesting. Because other people think there are important differences, that does not mean I have to respect their point of view. Obama looks a little different from the other Presidents. For example, his ears stick out. But I do not find Obama’s exterior to be the least bit interesting, whether it is the tone of his skin or the spots on his bum. In a similar way, I am gender-blind, and disability-blind, and religion-blind and pretty much blind to anything or everything that has nothing to do with how good a person is or how their mind works or how good they are at the things that they do. If I had a hope, it would be that everybody was colour-blind. But reading about Obama being black, and hearing about Obama being black, and generally getting bored of the fact that Obama is black, I find it obvious that plenty of people are a long, long way from being colour-blind. Seeing colour as something interesting is like being a six year old and having a favourite colour of crayon. The colour of skin is trivial. It is a trivial cause for celebration. It is a trivial basis for two people to consider themselves as having something in common. It is a trivial reason to dislike somebody. It is a trivial way to judge somebody’s worth. It is trivial, and there are no two ways about it. Colour is unimportant. If colour is unimportant, you prove that by treating it as unimportant, not by treating it as important-but-only-because-other-people-make-it-important. White good, black bad, black good, white bad… all nonsense, all trivial. Time to move on. Obama, a half-black guy, won the most important election in the world. Time to move on. Time for Obama to be a President, not just somebody with a few black genes in his genetic makeup. Obama was born with a skin and it had a colour. That did not take any effort on his part. His mother made most of the effort on the day Obama was born (not that any mother has joined the 44). He was born, and the other six billion people on the planet can attest there is nothing so special about that. Now comes the special part. Now comes the effort. Now we see what he is made of.

The victory of colourblindness, as manifest in his election victory, is a good thing, but it is the victory of normalcy in eternal human values, after a terrible and prolonged aberration. I doubt cavemen cared so much about appearances, and we should not either. There has been enough talk about appearances. Now, Obama needs to get on with being President, and we need to let him get on with that. We must file all this tedious nonsense about his colour in an historical archive for people who care about trivial things. File it under ‘B’ for ‘Boring’, not ‘B’ for ‘Black’. I am hoping the inauguration is the final full stop on this silly repetition of the same superficial non-story. Was there really anybody, anywhere on the planet, listening to the news this week, that learned something new when it was repeated, yet again, that Obama is black and that is unusual for an American President? If they do not know now, they never will, so let us move on anyway. New. News. Please.

But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

For the moment, I have stopped believing that the US President is called Barack Obama. As far as I am concerned, he is Bore-ama. I am bored of him. That must be some kind of record, to be bored of a US President before he completed his first day in office. He has all the potential to be the most exciting President ever, but right now, he is Boreama. Maybe I spent too long following the campaign. Maybe I listened to too many of his speeches. Maybe he would be more exciting if I only noticed politics a week or so before an election takes place. Unfortunately, I did not. I noticed him when everyone else noticed him – when he seemed to have a reasonable chance of winning the Democrat nomination. Since then, he has been on parole. Every move has been scrutinized. He has rarely put a foot wrong, but he has not done very much that is interesting, either. He has been safe, steady, dull. People get very excited about him. They do odd things, like going to stadiums to hear him say things that could just hear him say on television. They are already planning to tell their great grandchildren about how they listened to Obama in person. Presumably they will not be so keen to tell the story if he turns out to be a stinker of a President. He is President Boreama, at least for now. As far as I am concerned, he will win his reprieve from Boreamadom if he does half of the things he hopes to. Good luck to him. He will need all the luck and help he can get if those hopes are to be realized.

Okay, so Boreama has now made a few phone calls to the Middle East, and he asked the judges to put Guantanamo Bay on hold. That is a reasonable start, but nothing too exciting yet. It would have been odd not to call the Middle East. It is just polite to remind them that there is a new guy wielding the biggest stick in the world. It only makes sense for the new guy to say how lovely it would be if they could all play nice and find a way to stop killing each other and stop moving us closer and closer to World War III. As for Guantanamo, even McCain wanted to end that stain on America’s legal bedsheets. Obama also wants to spend some money revitalizing the economy. He is hardly alone in having identified that as a plan. Anybody with a cursory understanding of the Great Depression would realize they tried the do-nothing plan and it did not work out so well, so then they tried the spend-lots plan and that worked out better. Even Bush was happy to spend money the government did not have, though you could argue he was working hard to make the government bankrupt long before the financial crisis struck. The interesting decision is not the decision to spend money. The interesting decision is deciding what to spend it on. If you gave me 800 billion dollars, to spend as I like, I would stimulate the economy of the US, and plenty of other places too. The question is whether Obama spends the money as effectively as possible. Can this ant turn the tide of economic history? Or will he spend a fortune and end up with an ant-sized economy?

So any time you’re gettin’ low
‘stead of lettin’ go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

Bore-ama. I did not listen to his inauguration speech. I was expecting it to be boring. I was expecting he would say nothing new. Then it got reported everywhere, and mindful as I am of journalistic bias, I found myself having to listen to it anyway. First I read it. When you read it, it is pretty short. Obama is such an orator. His masterful pauses and elegant turning of phrases can transform two minutes’ worth of sketchy ideas into twenty minutes of uplifting, sketchy ideas. So first I read it, then I listened to it, not listening to the words, but to the inflections, to the tones, to the stagemanship in his voice. It was impressive. He is very good at delivering a speech. He makes it sound good. In another world, he would have made a fine presenter of the weather news. I wonder if he could make a recipe or a shopping list sound exciting. I can just imagine what he was like when he was a student, telling his peers about his trip to the store…

“My fellow citizens, colleagues, and friends, you ask if I have purchased the potatoes for tonight’s supper. I can tell you that I went to the grocery store, and I searched for the potatoes. I looked up one aisle, and down another aisle. I looked long, and I looked hard. But there were no potatoes that were fit for our good, honest, simple table. There were no potatoes fit to sustain our daily endeavours. There were no potatoes fit to nourish the flesh, the blood, the souls of we tireless workers gathered in this kitchen today. There were no good potatoes. There were only bad potatoes, old potatoes and potatoes that had gone slightly mouldy. These were not the potatoes that sustained our peoples when they came to this land from the corners of the world. These were not the potatoes that our grandparents pulled form the earth, the reward for their toil. We need a renewal of our vegetable visions for the future. We need to broaden our search for good grocery stores, as we renew and broaden the hopes of our generation. Whether we worked today at a part-time job in the local pharmacy, studied our books diligently, helped old ladies to cross the street, or went to the grocery store to buy potatoes, we have worked hard today and we have much hard work yet to do. We need nourishment for our body, and for our souls. We can do it, we can get there, not with the potatoes, but with the half pound of broccoli I bought instead. Can we make a wholesome, good and palatable meal with this broccoli? Yes, we can.”

But the words of his inauguration speech, when read on paper, I found to be dull and lifeless. Boring. Boring ideas from a 21st Century popularity contest winner, President Boreama.

When troubles call, and your back’s to the wall
There’s a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

I’m not sure it is possible for anyone to have a rational debate about Obama any more. He won, so there is no point debating whether he was the best candidate. He has not done anything yet, so you cannot debate his record. So many people have already formed an emotional attachment to Boreama – some terrifyingly sentimental need for him – that there is no point trying to be rational with them. You had soon as well bang your head against the wall, as suggest that people might temper their expectations of Obama, and go easy with their hopes for his Presidency. But then, he never does. In his inauguration, he promised to do it all: outlive his enemies, end nuclear war, feed the world’s hungry, make the waters flow, save the planet… the list went on and on. Every great promise was in there, short of a cure for cancer and a guaranteed method to lose weight fast. He was so good at making impossible promises I wondered if the banking industry would have employed him to sell mortgages. Every one of Boreama’s promises were presented in glorious technicolour, glorious widescreen, and glorious low-definition soft focus. Obama, on a cold day in Washington D.C., wrapped himself within his misty-eyed gift for words. Those words paint pictures of places that, so far, only exist in our imagination.

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he’d punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram scram
He kept buttin’ that dam

I have this terrible jaded feeling about Boreama. To be fair to him, it is not his fault especially, although he keeps riding the crest of the wave created by the people who are to blame. It is a product of a ridiculous insistence that here, and now, is always the most amazing moment, the most amazing place in history. How silly. Some people must live in boring times. We live in boring times, on a relative scale. It is so boring, that people got carried away with how good and boring it is. They borrowed heavily against the boring, predictable, safe and wonderful future, as they saw it. Risk? There was no risk. Why worry about risk, when the future is so boring and safe and predictable, they thought. Incomeless homeowners and wealthy bankers agreed – these are boring times. Not worried about war, or disease, or pestilence, or any of the interesting things that have happened to humanity through the ages, they borrowed and borrowed and borrowed against the future. They borrowed so much they had no way to pay it all back. People borrowed money they could not pay, and lent money they did not have. Their extraordinary over-confidence backfired, and royally messed up the economy. That is the most exciting thing that has happened to most people recently. People got greedy and now they are sorry. People banged their heads against the dam, so hard, and so long, that it started to crack. That does not sound like the behaviour of people who lives in exciting times. It sounds like the behaviour of people so bored they messed up the world because they had nothing better to do.

Boreama’s exactly the right President for a boring era. He makes everything sound exciting, even when it is not. His campaign strategy was remorseless in playing it safe. There can never have been a President who encouraged so much whilst promising so little. He makes our era sound special, even when what makes it special is how mundane our era is. We live in an era where tedious, soulless material acquisition grew so quickly and grew so unchecked that we ended up puking the remnants all over the economy.

The last President who tried to make his era sound special was George W. Bush. He is not unusual, because every President wants to be the Great President who served in Important Times. Big egos inevitably go with big jobs. Bush took a different approach to making here, and now, special. Like everything else in his Presidency he was meandering along, bereft of any real ideas, and was prompted into action by a crisis made whilst his guard was down. Bush started a ‘war on terror’, and some real wars, as an absurd overreaction to a terrorist attack. The devastation of the twin towers was horrifying, but hardly a justification to the irrational response it prompted from the US government. It sickens to play a numbers game, but only 2,974 people died in the attack on the World Trade Center. Compare that to the million people who die from malaria each year. By my calculator, that is about 2,740 deaths from malaria every single day. According to the 2006 WHO report, 90% of those deaths occur in sub-Saharan Africa. 75% of the dead were five or younger. If you want to make the world a safer place, spending mosquito nets and drugs would give a much better return than chasing around Iraq for terrorist WMDs. Every President wants to be important. The problem is that not every President knows what is important.

If Obama is to be believed, he would have not made the mistakes of Bush’s government. He believes he has a cooler head. Maybe so, but cooler heads need to encourage other heads to keep cool too. So far, he has been happy to ride a wave of euphoria, not to dampen it. That mood is positive right now, but he is doing nothing to temper it in advance of the times when cool heads will really be needed.

’cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

Obama’s mother must have been an optimist. She raised him. She must have passed on her values. She traveled the world, worked hard, and did the job of a mother too. However, she was not mentioned in her son’s inauguration speech. Obama’s father was mentioned, twice. It makes me feel like she is gently sidelined by Obama. Obama’s self-image seems to hinge on his black, absent, father, not his white, present, mother. Talk of Obama’s father smells of political expediency. We hear about a black African overcoming hurdles, but not about the hurdles overcome by his White, American mother. Perhaps she does not fit so conveniently into the stereotypes that Obama wishes to trade in, the personal mythology he seeks to create for himself. Obama’s face is a lot like his mother’s. That is not the aspect of his looks that Obama dwells upon. He would rather dwell on colour, what made him different from his mother, not what made him the same.

So any time your feelin’ bad
‘stead of feelin’ sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

The devil is in the details. Destroying a billion kilowatt dam sounds like a mighty achievement, of sorts, but the ram must have got a mighty headache first. From Obama, I am hoping to see grit and a capacity to deal with the world’s problems hands-on. The oratory and the inspiration can take a back seat. There is no need for inspiration if there is no direction. The Obama program has ruthlessly demonstrated its ability to inspire. It inspired plenty to go to the polling booths. If Obama has a genius for politics, he needs to remember the famous quote from Edison, the great American inventor and entrepreneur: “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” It is time for Obama to start sweating.

The last Democrat glamour-puss President was JFK. He raised high hopes too. Hopes were so high, that Frank Sinatra sang a special version of his 1959 hit “High Hopes” when campaigning for him. In the modified lyrics, Sinatra sang “Jack’s the nations favourite guy” and “vote for Kennedy, keep America strong.” When I was young, the aura of JFK led me to believe Kennedy was a great President. Then I learned something about history and realized he was a spoilt rich-kid who screwed around, caused crisis after crisis over Cuba, and was hailed a hero just because none of his crises lead to a nuclear war. Oh, and he sanctioned the overthrow of the South Vietnamese government and the installation of more American troops in that country – and we all know how US interference in Vietnam worked out in the end. Kennedy also raised Frank Sinatra’s hopes. Sinatra, with his Rat Pack buddy Peter Lawford, organized Kennedy’s inaugural gala. It was a star-studded affair. The next year, Sinatra spent a lot of money on building accommodation for Kennedy and his entourage for a highly anticipated and heavily publicized visit to the West Coast. Sinatra’s seedy connections were just fine when Kennedy wanted to get laid, or to help win votes in Illinois, but caused Kennedy to snub Sinatra and stay at Bing Crosby’s house instead. Bing Crosby was not just Sinatra’s singing rival, he was a supporter of the Republican Party. Sinatra was bitter about that for a long time after, and ended up becoming a Republican supporter as well. In 1980, Sinatra donated US$4 million to Reagan’s Presidential campaign. When Reagan won, Sinatra arranged his Presidential gala too. Given the high hopes raised by, and the disappointing reality of JFK’s Presidency, Boreama should be careful to learn from history, and to avoid letting too many people down.

Yes we can, yes we did, yes we will, yes, yes sir, yessur, yessum’ boss. The word ‘yes’. You can say ‘yes’ to terrible things. You can do terrible things. These positive disembodied words, words that hang in the air but stubbornly refuse to describe any real actions. Verbs are a problem with Obama. Can what? Did what? Do what?

Bore-ama. I’m bored of Boreama already. We need less talk. More action.

What kind of action is Boreama offering? You would hope his inauguration speech would give some clues. The thing with Obama is that he’s a regular Stalin or Castro when it comes to speeches. He wants everybody to be listening to him, as he gives out the answers. He want you to know, that he has the answers. He does not want to sound immodest, but nobody should walk away with doubt. Obama has the answers. That means we have the answers. Boreama just tells us the answers that we knew he knew we knew all along.

“For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act – not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions – who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.”

The words are so beautifully and simply worded, so intellectually confused. Who is doing this work? “We”. Then why do “we” need to be reminded to do it? Did we do before? If we did, did we stop? Why did we stop? If we never stopped, then what is new?

It is easy to pick apart a speech like this, but that does not mean it is not worth picking it apart. How many of Boreama’s supporters, so eager to attend the inauguration, remembering to hold the new President to account right from his very first words in office, remembering to play their part in the democratic process of holding this new government to account?

Obama plays a nice line in nostalgia. There was always a wonderful past, and recent events are just a blip in the natural procession of American history. This is American history presented as destiny, with progress always onwards and upwards, for the good of Americans and the world. What tosh. What cynical rewriting of history this is. Obama should take a look at American governments through history. They were small. They did little, taxed little, interfered little. Either Boreama likes them for those virtues, or he does not. He is an historical pickpocket, if he steals what he likes from American history but ignores the things he does not like.

I want less “we” and more “me” and “you”. I am not “we”, I am me. A leader needs to talk to individuals and tell them what he wants from them as individuals. Tell a group to do something, and nobody does it. Tell a person to do something, and you have a chance they will do it. Enough of generality, Boreama needs to start dealing with specifics, starting with specific people, starting with himself.

“Know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.” Now “we” are leading, or they are leading, or he is leading, I am not sure which. I want to hear what he wants and expects other people to do. Less of the “we”. Break this great, mighty job down. The abusers at Abu Ghraib were Americans. Were they friends to Iraqis? Obama is a friend to every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity? What if they want peace and dignity, but are not so keen on American leadership? What if they did not vote for Obama, and find it repellent that he talks of himself, or his nation (it is too vague to tell what he is saying here) as leaders, as if they were elected by the world? Obama needs to break it down into tasks and give them to individuals. Some of those tasks will be performed by the President. Some by others. But break it down.

“Their memories are short.” Whose memories are short? None shorter than Obama’s. The day before Boreama was President, the same people lived in the same country. What changed? They were free men and women, the day before. If they were not harnessing the sun and wielding technology’s wonders, why not? Was it because nobody was telling them to do so? Can nobody think of a good idea and pull their finger out and build the roads and create the jobs without waiting for Boreama? Fiddlesticks. The people were free in 2000, free in 2004, free in the years between. What were they doing with their freedom? Did George W. Bush hypnotize them? Were they enslaved by his zombie spell, unable to act, unable to do anything to help themselves? Did they have to summon their last drop of energy showing up to the voting booths in order to elect Boreama? Were they all sat around waiting like morons, waiting for Boreama to tell them “we” can do it? What was stopping them? What is Obama going to do to start them? Is he going to speech them into submission, talk at them until they do what is needed? Or is Boreama planning to do some things himself, as an individual. I hope so. Fine deeds matter more than fine words.

No matter how I try, I cannot escape Obama right now. On the radio, the BBC offered one of those imbecilic vox pop exercises about Obama, as if three carefully chosen people could ever be the voices of “the people”. The outcome was typical, one for Obama, one against Obama, one on the fence about Obama. You can always judge the journalistic slant of a vox pop by the order in which the voices are presented. The last one defines the tone of the piece. The last voice was pro-Obama. She carefully pointed out, when dealing with the journalist’s scepticism about how much Obama could really do in practice, that it was not up to Obama to do things singlehanded. She made it clear, that it was up to the “we” to do it. Yes “we” can. So what has this woman been waiting for? She has the same hands, mind, conscience, soul. What difference does Obama make to how she lives her life? Instead of talking about the difference Obama makes – using that airy language that describes a far-off landscape, I want to hear what steps people are taking, from one day to the next, to get to this promised land. Of course, the journalist did not ask this voice what she was doing to make those dreams come true, other than generally be supportive of Obama and what he says the “we” will do. Presumably asking such a question would be rude.

“Ask not what can your country do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

J.F. Kennedy, Presidential Inauguration, January 20th, 1961

Great lines from great speeches. Inspiring stuff. But what, exactly, does it inspire. Hope? Is that a substitute for action? Is that the same kind of hope you get at church: life is terrible now, but there is no point complaining, as it will all come good in the end? Just do as you are told and God will sort out the rest? I am not one for waiting for God, or leaders, or the “we” to sort things out. From my experience, they never do. I prefer complaining. You may have noticed. Complaining changes the world. You cannot change from bad to better, bad to good, okay to great, without identifying what should be changed, what could be better. But complaints are no good if they are not specific. What specifically is going to change? What, specifically, are the complaints that the “we” will address?

“What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them – that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works – whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account – to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day – because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.”

Obama the earthquake: he shifts the very ground beneath us. The religious parallels are obvious. He could send plagues of locusts, but he is not that kind of prophet. He is more the type to focus on parting the seas and turning water into wine, except when he does it, we does it. Obama the inspiration, who is also Obama the pragmatist, who is also Obama the answer to any question. His government will change government. Only cynics would oppose him. There will be no cynics around him. There will be no cynics who support him, use him, manipulate his popularity, his mandate, his agenda for their selfish ends. No, no, no… that cannot happen. The Reverend Boreama will not allow that to happen. “We” will not allow that to happen. He and his political allies are reborn in the new faith. They have given up their old god, the false idol of government. They have a new god, the one true god of Government! (Did you notice the change?) They were converted on the road to Damascus, or possibly on the road to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the road to the White House. If you cannot see the difference, it must be because you do not believe hard enough. Have faith, brother.

I need to be converted. George W missed the point when becoming an evangelical Christian. The point is not to be converted, it is to convert. Obama’s the great converter. Obama’s the real baptist of our times. Hilary Clinton, born again into the new government. Tom Daschle, born again into the new government. Joe Biden, born again into the new government. If they look the same on the outside, that is just their bodies. That is just their superficial appearance, their skins, not that Boreama cares about such things. Their souls are born again, supposedly. They are re-born to the new creed of government changed, thanks to Obama the baptist.

“What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility – a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.”

Ask not what the President will do for you. He asks what you will do for him. At the inauguration they should have answered the preacher, and told them what they would do. I mean, if they were not believers, committed to the cause of doing something (not sure what, but something) then who is? Then again, they may have all shouted out different answers about what the “we” would do, what tasks the “we” would undertake. That would spoil the ceremony. That would have ruined the fine words of the speech. Better shout “yes we can, yes we will, yes we did” instead, even if you are not clear on the details of what you are supposed to be doing.

“We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus – and non-believers.” How very embracing. All different, but all “we”. All converted to the one truth, the one true path, the one true leader who will return us to the true path. “This is the source of our confidence – the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.” Got that, all you secular non-believers? There cannot be any confusion there. Even non-believers are confident in the knowledge of God’s call. With an infallible plan like that, surely the cynics have no reason to fear any prospect of division in Boreama’s America. You have to be confident in your knowledge to shape an uncertain destiny. If it is not God that calls you, although you are confident (Boreama told you so, it must be true) in your knowledge that God calls you, then Obama will help by filling in the blanks and pointing you in the right direction. If God is pointing you the other way, to hate America, to hate what it stands for, you must be listening to the wrong God. You must be listening to the God of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. If you think Obama’s wrong, and misguided, and will lead America down the wrong path, you must be listening to the wrong God. You must be listening to the God of George W. Bush. God never lets people disagree or be confused, and nor will Boreama. God is pointing the way, Obama is pointing the way – it just looks a long way off in the distance, and the path is a little confused, and we all are going in different directions, but we will get there. Yes we can.

“…Why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.” Ah yes, the perpetual glorification of the absent Obama father. Obama’s father was a remarkable man. Whilst a student, he fathered a child, and left a year later. What an ideal role model, somebody we should all seek to emulate. Obama’s mother dropped out of college to raise her son. She paid the family bills, taught her son, made her son proud of his black ancestry and his black father. Obama repaid her by writing a book about his father. The son was not there when the mother died, but the father is always there in the son’s speeches. There is no mention of Obama’s mother. Bore-ama’s dwelling on his father is justified, of course. Obama’s father suffered terrible prejudice, we can know for sure, because he was black. Not that Boreama witnessed this prejudice first hand, but we can reasonably infer it. Obama’s father might not have been served at a local restaurant. Might not. Look on the bright side. His father was probably too busy to worry about that, too busy to raise or pay for his own son. He had to leave to study for his PhD in Economics at Harvard. He needed to learn about how money turns the world around, not how to pay for his own offspring. What terrible discrimination Obama’s father probably suffered at Harvard too. What a guy. How generous of Obama, to always grieve, in so many public speeches, for the supposed sufferings of somebody he did not know. His father’s scholarship forced him to make so many sacrifices, to give up so much. His scholarship would not pay for his wife and son, so he had to leave them behind. “How can I refuse the best education?” he told his wife, when explaining his decision not to take the more generous scholarship offered him in New York, that would have allowed him to take his wife and child with him. This is the man who gets cited in a speech about inspiration, about overcoming obstacles, about how “we” can change the world, about how “we” make the world a better place. An inspiring figure, one worth recalling at every opportunity. His father, Our Father, the inspiration, from far off. Always there, always overcoming unimaginable hurdles, just not getting involved in the messy detail of real people’s lives.

“Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.”

This is a gift, passed from father to son. It is in Obama’s case, this gift of oratory, this gift of being the centre of attention, this freedom to shape the world by thought and word. It is a journey, that we embark upon. In this story, the takers are eulogized, and the givers are forgotten, even by Boreama himself. But what a journey we have before us, biblical in its epic proportions, as we happily set out on the path. We are going to the promised land. Obama has painted the picture, and it is a beautiful landscape. There is no map, but we have the Obama’s watercolour landscape painting so we know what it looks like. We are all ready to go. Yes, we can do it, we can make it, we can get there. Now all we need is someone to point us in the right direction.

All problems just a toy balloon
They’ll be bursted soon
They’re just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop

High Hopes: words & music by Sammy Cahn & Jimmy Van Heusen, recorded by Frank Sinatra, from the 1959 movie Hole in the Head

High hopes. High hopes. It is almost like we solved all our problems already. Can you feel the confidence all around? Great. Great!!! Nobody and nothing can stop us now. We are on the way. We will get there. We can do it. Yes we can.

So when do we begin?

Making Work for Ourselves (Part Two)

In part one, I imagined a scenario where one hundred people, selected at random, are stranded on a desert island. They have no hope of escape, but they can survive indefinitely thanks to the resources available to them. In fact, only forty need to work to satisfy the needs of the whole population. So how would this group divide the work between themselves?

Let us begin by defining a few likely characteristics of our island population. To begin with, let us be realistic about what a random sample of people would be like. Every individual would be different. People would differ in their attitudes, in their capabilities, in their generosity and so forth. There may, arguably, be different degrees of need. Some people may need a higher calorie intake, others may require special medical care, such as treatment for diabetes or asthma. Some people will be more naturally inclined to give, others will be more selfish. Some will be assertive, some passive. Some will arrive on the island with skills that are more immediately useful than others. For example, perhaps there are some with a good working knowledge of how to build and maintain shelter. Others will possess fewer skills or skills that are less relevant to the circumstances. A croupier or jockey will offer little if there is no gambling tables or horses. Dividing the work between this population is not a simple case of taking a task, dividing it by 100, and giving everybody an equal share of it. Even if it was possible to segment work that perfectly, it would be less efficient to give all the islanders an equal share of a job that could be performed by one person with the most relevant talents.

Soon after their arrival, the individuals most capable of building shelter and getting food may set about the task, without waiting to be asked. Whether they are doing it for the community as a whole, or just for themselves, they will likely employ themselves in essential work. This will be motivated by their own desire to survive, if nothing else. Others, with less relevant skills, will be in more of a quandary. Do they emulate their peers, even if it means they do an inferior job? Do they work as individuals, only providing for themselves, and hence suffer from being relatively impoverished as they fashion an inferior habitation and struggle to feed themselves? Or do they seek to embrace community, and form relationships with the strongest providers? Whatever relations are formed will depend heavily on the ethical values and worldviews of the people on the island. A strong provider who also has a strong sense of moral obligation may decide to build shelter for others, as well as himself. Individualists who can support their own needs may choose to limit their interaction with the rest of the group, and retain the fruits of their labours for themselves. Those who cannot provide for themselves so easily, will need to adopt one of three basic postures towards the strongest providers: seeking charity (or taking what they need), seeking education or offering an exchange. Charity, or theft, may be a viable strategy if the strongest providers are happy to carry the extra burden, are willing to tolerate the implications for an uneven distribution of work, or calculate that the effort involved in preventing theft is greater than the effort needed to replace what was stolen. Education, in the form of learning new skills, would permit weaker providers to become stronger providers. This has the merit that it should reduce the burden on the strongest providers. However, it has disadvantages too. If the strongest providers educate their peers, they create an extra burden on themselves whilst they do so, and if successful they ultimately reduce their status and bargaining power within the community. From the perspective of the weaker providers, improved skills may make them more independent, but they will still need to go to the effort of learning those skills, and they may feel they will never be as adept as the stronger providers. In our world today, charity, theft and education are important factors in determining how we are organized, but it is the principle of exchange that dominates.

Trade is a basis for ordering society. It permits specialization and flexibility. The principles of trade are simple and personal enough that humans adopt it readily, even when they are forbidden to do it. Because only forty of the inhabitants need to be engaged in necessary work, the islanders could engage in a relatively large amount of work which is performed not out of need, but in order to satisfy other desires. For example, as garments become threadbare, they may be replaced by new clothing that is decorative, as well as functional. Perhaps somebody on the island makes jewellery, whilst another tells stories and sings songs for the amusement of onlookers. Base desires may also be satisfied through trade. One or more inhabitants may engage in the world’s oldest profession, especially if there is a mismatch between the genders and ages in the island’s population. A poor mix of potential sexual partners may make prostitution very lucrative.

Criminal activity, if completely unchecked, may become a serious threat to the well-being of the islanders. If relatively large numbers thrive by taking what they want, and relatively small numbers bear the burden of providing not just for themselves but for the thieves as well, it will not only demotivate the providers but potentially encourage more inhabitants to prosper at the expense of others. Theft is, at base, a zero-sum game. What the thief wins, the victim loses, leaving the sum unchanged and only changing the distribution. However, a zero-sum game may be very profitable to the winners of the game. Why go to a lot of effort to collect your own mangoes, when it is easier to take them from somebody else? If there is no reprisal, the thief is better off by not contributing and just taking. However, a zero-sum game is ultimately unproductive. If all one hundred inhabitants stopped producing, and tried to survive through stealing, they would all die. If a society is to be sustained, either everybody has to meet their own needs, or some people have to make a surplus that will support themselves and provide for others.

As the island is far from ordinary society, it is far from any established legal system. Even so, the islanders are likely to adopt their own laws and customs to govern behaviour. This may initially be inspired by the morality of the cultures they came from, but shorn of that influence, it could evolve in unpredictable ways. Laws are an expression of government. The islanders cannot have them without some mechanism to intervene in each other’s affairs. Whether it be effected by mob rule, by a form of voting, by a dictatorship, or by some hybrid of the familiar forms of government, laws can only be enforced if there is a kind of government to enforce them. Government greatly changes the potential for organization amongst the community. The aspirations for laws could be limited. It may be that they only serve to regulate trade and enshrine the idea of ownership and property, in order to encourage people to provide for themselves and discourage anyone wanting to help themselves to their neighbour’s possessions. Laws can also go a lot further. They may become an expression of moral will. For example, prostitution may be banned. To reduce dissent and enforce community, rituals and beliefs may become a matter of law. In modern secular societies, it is possible to forget that laws, through the ages, have often been used to enforce religious practices and points of view. The principle of law, and of government, also offers an alternative way for some individuals to provide for their own needs. Instead of picking mangoes themselves, a legislator, governor, despot or judge may have their needs provided for in exchange for the role they perform. This may be an attractive option to anyone who lacks the skills to provide for themselves, and is not keen on relying on charity or theft to maintain themselves. The option may not just be attractive, it may be very enriching. The ruler may be the richest person on the island, although in productive terms, they only arrange and orchestrate what others do, and provide nothing themselves. To someone of an individualist frame of mind, such a government may represent the most terrifying form of criminal behaviour: the creation of a legal system whose very purpose is to enrich some at the expense of others. That such a system can be enforced is not proof that it is moral. There is little difference between the basis of payment and reward given to a fascist blackshirt or to a Mafia goon. In the imagined island, only forty people need to work to satisfy everyone’s needs. That means even the simplest democratic check to ensure ‘fairness’ in government – the requirement for votes won by a majority – could be compatible with the effective enslavement of the producers for the benefit of all others. If the other sixty inhabitants were unified, it would not even matter if the forty workers were allowed to vote.

I described this island as a thought experiment, in the hope of casting some light upon how we do organize ourselves in the world today. If the experiment was repeated many times, I believe it would turn out very differently depending on the specifics of who was on the island. The complete separation of the island allows us to keep things simple, but as John Donne noted, no man is an island. Our world is full of individuals and groups, sometimes acting together, sometimes acting against each other, often indifferent but unpredictable in when their efforts will reinforce or negate each other’s. Individuals interact with small groups, small groups interact with large groups, and ultimately every single person has some immeasurable impact on the whole word. Each person’s actions is like a butterfly’s wings; a single act or beat might precipitate a chain of cause and effect that leads to a storm on the other side of the world. The difficulty is being able to take a major outcome in the world and trace it back to its causal roots. Historians may look at the influences and upbringing of the key individuals that make decisions and shape events, but they usually, and wisely, take their research no further. In the island thought experiment, and in any history of any event, we see examples of the various options for how people can act, react, and hence organize themselves as people. The basis for how this world is organized is just an extrapolation from the same simple themes as prevalent on the hypothetical island: whether people are more or less productive, whether they are more or less selfless or selfish, whether they prefer to play a zero-sum game or want to add value to the world, whether they seek to impose on others, keep to themselves, or find a compromise within their community.

During part one, I noted that the economist J.M. Keynes had predicted increasing wealth and increasing leisure. Put simply, both would be the result of economic models that are non-zero-sum in nature. The world makes more wealth than required to satisfy immediate needs, the surplus is reinvested in making even more wealth, this makes it even easier for output to outstrip demand, an even larger surplus is generated, leading to even more reinvestment, and we have a virtuous circle. Keynes’ prediction of increasing wealth have been borne out, but not his prediction of increasing leisure. In fact, measures that show people are working are usually treated as a sign of political success and good government. Keynes predicted that we will be working 15 hours a week by 2030. For that to come true, governments will need to start regarding our traditional conception of ‘full’ employment as a failure.

Can we explain how Keynes was right, and that the economic wheels are turning to make the world wealthier, whilst he was also wrong, and not releasing us for more leisure? To give a complete answer is beyond my abilities in this post, but I think the clues can be drawn from the behaviour of the inhabitants of our imagined island, and from the analogues in the world around us. Perhaps Keynes made the understandable error of assuming that changes in the total of wealth would also lead to changes in the distribution of wealth. Many people considered to be ‘poor’ by modern standards are incontestably rich by historical standards. One sign of this is that life expectancy keeps improving. However, perception of wealth need not be aligned to the reality of wealth. If televisions were a rarity when Keynes wrote in the 1930’s, that does not mean people think themselves wealthy because they have one now. Telephones are far more ubiquitous now than they were in the 30’s, but people may not consider themselves rich because they have a mobile phone today. If people perceive themselves to be poor, they may continue to work hard even if they are a lot richer than their great-grandparents were. Changes in perception may be one cause of why people do not work shorter hours, but I think there is another more crucial reason: we need to work in order to maintain the basis for how our society is organized.

Is there evidence that the great wealth of the human race produces is being used to keep us busy, because we cannot find an alternative way to keep our society running? I believe so. More importantly, it does not have to be a conscious decision. Imagine the world was like our hypothetical island. If you only need 40% of the world to work in order to satisfy everyone’s needs, how do you keep that proportion motivated, and avoid demotivating the remainder? If 60% of the world decided to go on permanent holiday, and just took what they needed, there would be the risk that many of the other 40% would stop working too. We definitely produce more than we ever have before. Because of advances in science and technology, each single person can make more than they would have a hundred years ago. Machines mean that the output per person is more than it was. This was the basis for Henry Ford’s revolution in car manufacture, but it applies much more broadly than that. So why are we still so busy? The key is in finding customary forms of human behaviour that are universal and which sustain human needs. Exchange is universal. John Lennon asked if we could imagine a world without possessions. I do not think we can. We give, we take, we aim to get what we need, and what we want by giving others what they want or need. If that leads to over-production, we do not care, so long as we each get what we want.

One reason why we would all need to keep on working despite increasing wealth is that we use the world’s wealth to attempt things that were never tried before. An obvious example would be sending people to the moon, creating gigantic particle colliders and other expensive scientific projects that lack any obvious benefits to normal mankind. Whatever advances are made in applied science as a result of the investment, it is doubtful that you need to spend on those specific projects in order to get those advances. Great scientific leaps forward happen for all sorts of reasons, sometimes as a consequence of huge state-backed projects, often not. We are not just changing technology, but also trying to change the nature of our society through wealth. Throughout history, people at the margins of society have suffered. If you could not work, you went without. The human race, on a global level, seems set on ending that. Whilst that noble program keeps productive people busy, it also risks higher and higher numbers of people wanting to classify themselves as needing support, instead of giving support. For the good of our current basis of organization, this has to be reigned in. Both providing for people’s needs and reigning in criminality leads to a need for government intervention. This means employing people to do the work of government, whether it be in providing services that cannot be effectively provided any other way (roads, a system of welfare benefits) or applying and enforcing the will of the government (the legal system, the police). In the UK, income tax is still a ‘temporary’ tax that has to be renewed by Parliament each year. With roughly 40% of the nation’s income now taken for UK government spending, there is no sign that it will come to an end any time soon. When David Lloyd George was Chancellor of the Exchequer, he introduced the ‘people’s budget’ to pay for all the welfare reforms the Liberals had introduced, including meals for schoolchildren, pensions for the old, labour exchanges and national insurance to provide for healthcare and unemployment benefits. It caused a political crisis because of the extent to which it taxed wealthier citizens, and a constitutional crisis when the Lords, the second chamber in the UK Parliament, tried to block it. In the people’s budget, the very richest were expected to pay 11.25% of their income in taxes. As you can see, the business of being in government is now a lot bigger than it was when David Lloyd George was pushing his radical reforms.

Not only is government engaged in eliminating poverty, it is increasingly involved in eliminating all forms of suffering in a constant quest for perfection. Some government missions are of debatable worth. There are understandable disputes about how much we need to fight overseas wars to increase security at home, or enforce safety protocols because we cannot evaluate risk for ourselves. However, governments are, by and large, doing what large numbers of people expect them to do or, at least, are willing to tolerate. If governments make work, it is because people allow and encourage them to. There is also plenty of work outside of government that is not, strictly, necessary. Take the rise of the service sector. How can so many people be employed in the service sector? How did we cope before? Without wanting to be flippant, it seems unlikely that the world would stop turning if less people were employed to serve hot water and coffee beans at your local Starbucks. The service sector, more prominent in wealthier societies, keeps people busy in jobs that previously were not necessary. If that is the case, are the jobs created because time is freed up to do other things that we want to do, but did not have time? Or is it as much the case that people find ways to make themselves useful and engage in exchange, even if they cannot offer anything that is really needed?

You generally need government for laws, but people are versatile and can create laws and rules in all sorts of places. In that sense, they have a tendency to create new and additional forms of government. There is good reason for them to do so. As rules get more complicated, ways to exploit and abuse them get more complicated. Nathan Rothschild was a pioneer in the early 19th century bond market, and generated tremendous wealth as a result, but that market is of trivial simplicity compared to the financial instruments that are traded today. He made a lot of money from the novel practice of speculating on government bonds, but these days, that kind of speculation is at the simple end of spectrum. Finance has never been more complicated. The increase in complexity has lead some to gain fabulous wealth, whilst there have also been some spectacular failures and cheats. The Nobel prize-winners at Long Term Credit Management offer a good example of being too clever for your own good, and Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme is a great example of how greed can pervert the sense of even the most sophisticated investors in the world. Complexity in business affairs, like bureaucracy in government, is ultimately an overhead. It adds to the cost of doing things. Some people may believe that it can also generate value that offsets the cost. A simple example would be paying a manager to select the best stocks to invest in. However, the evidence that complexity has tended to bring value into the world, and not simply remove or redistribute it through some enormous zero-sum game, is mixed. If clever financial instruments help to make sure money is spent where the human race most needs it – on the assets that will generate most wealth overall – then the complexity they bring will be offset by the increased overall wealth of the human race. If, however, they are more like a greed-driven exercise in enriching some at the expense of others, then increasing complexity is a net drain on the world’s wealth. From that perspective, it is possible to imagine that the current financial crisis would have been best avoided by paying many bankers huge sums to stay at home and do nothing, instead of paying them huge sums to work diligently at making a pig’s ear of the world’s economy.

Not everyone can be rich, whether on the desert island or in real life. For some to be wealthy, others must have less. This is because wealth is as much relative as it is absolute. However, human perceptions about satisfaction – what is enough to be content – will vary from person to person. To some extent, those who have opted for Keynes’ leisure society already exist and are perfectly rational. They assess the income they can get from state benefits, compare it to what they can get from working, and conclude that the relatively low standard of living gained from benefits is good enough in absolute terms. Compared to the life of a normal person living a hundred years ago, they are perfectly right. They are fed, clothed, housed, entertained and have access to technology that was unimaginable to our grandparents’ generation. In contrast, slavery still exists, but it exists for quite different reasons to the economic factors that created the transatlantic slave trade or the slavery common to most ancient civilizations. Then, slavery was motivated by the need to have farm workers so others could be supported by the surplus created. This would free slave owners to take on other roles in society. These roles may well have included other kinds of work. The images of slavery are shrouded in stereotypes, with lazy slaves being beaten by greedy owners. However, this simple picture probably fails to provide enough nuance to the history of slavery. Slavery is ultimately a kind of economic relationship. Though some would have conformed to the personality stereotypes, others did not. Great pains are taken to present the slave-owners amongst America’s founding fathers as men who treated slaves well and regarded slavery as a kind of economic relationship with expectations on both sides. Otherwise, the words in the Declaration of Independence:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…”

would ring rather hollow. In another example, when the conquering Italians abolished slavery in Ethiopia after the Second Italo-Abyssinian War, many slaves reportedly complained that they had lost their station in life and hence their source of food. In contrast, and contrary to Andrea Dworkin’s analysis of the economic motivation for prostitution, modern sex slavery is not motivated by necessity, on either the part of the prostitute or their pimp. It is very debatable whether it is necessary for the customer either. At base, prostitution is another kind of exchange. The prostitute offers a service that people are prepared to pay for. That means there is enough wealth in the world to support people whose only contribution to the economy is providing sexual favours. The pimp’s motivation is obvious, but it would be naive to assume that the prostitute is mindless chattel, any more than it would be fair to apply a simple black-and-white analysis of slavers and slaves throughout history. Prostitutes are not brainless bodies under the controlled of a pimp/master. They live in a relatively enlightened time. Whether tricked into prostitution by the allure of illegal immigration to a wealthier nation, or encouraged to remain a prostitute in exchange for narcotics, the modern sex slave has rights and opportunities to act for themselves that were denied to the millions who were captured, or who were born into slavery when slavery was still legal. Even extremely exploitative economic relationships can, in this modern age, be based less on actual need and more on the perceived needs of everyone who enables it.

Looking at life’s underbelly is perhaps the worst place to look for evidence of the excess of wealth around us. There are gaudier examples, including the grotesque sums paid to Damien Hirst in exchange for pickled sheep, the flashy presenter/interviewer/reviewer Jonathan Ross reporting himself to be ‘worth’ a thousand BBC journalists, and the absurd amounts of oil and gas money offered by Russians and Arabs to their pet footballers. Paradoxically, we live at a time of great simplification of the world’s economy. All the middle men are being stripped out, as people increasingly buy direct from suppliers instead of retailers or brokers. Markets and information are getting more perfect and more international, allowing fewer opportunities to exploit customers because of where they are or how little they now. This will cause convulsions. Some jobs are not needed any more. But we still need jobs to give our society order and purpose. That is why politicians want to stimulate consumption during this downturn, instead of asking whether we really need the things being made and consumed. To my mind, this downturn is a symptom of a wider malaise: that it is getting harder to keep people motivated, because however greedy people are, and however they are motivated by relative perceptions of wealth, increasing the standard of living will eventually lead large numbers to be satisfied. There is only so much graphic design work the UK can sell to China, and only so many plastic toys that China can sell to the UK. This downturn may be the first sign that the human race is learning how much is enough.

I personally would like to work less, but earn at the same rate. From my experience, that is a very hard thing to do. Unless you are rich, or make money from accumulated capital, our society is just not designed like that. Instead of persecuting people for not working and rewarding people excessively who do work, we need to find better ways to permit people to adopt intermediate patterns of living. If I was to aim for Keynes’ prediction, and a job that employs me for 15 hours a week, I would probably end up in a low-paid unskilled job, or in a very well-paid job demanding high levels of experience and an established track record gained from previous work. The middle way is a route untrod. This means options for people to arrange and improve their lives through leisure, instead of consumption, are poorly realized. We have a binary model of success: work is good and leads to rewards, not working is bad. However, leisure is a kind of reward. Our community persists with outdated models for how people should live. Alternative models are ill-constructed for the real needs of our society. For example, having a child is now a mechanism to reduce work, whether it be taken through taking extended leave, justifying part-time employment in a professional job, or by becoming dependent on the state. However, if we are already producing more than enough to meet our needs materially, the one thing we do not need to specifically encourage is more children. In history, families needed children to support parents in their old age, but if Keynes was right, the need for children to become workers to generate wealth diminishes with each generation. Now, the problem is more one of conserving finite resources.

The obstacle to Keynes’ prediction of a leisure society is organization. We do not know, or trust ourselves, to reorder society so we consume less but still live a good, ordered and peaceful life. Economic production has dominated human history. Perhaps it is unsurprising that if it declines in importance we may not recognize that or know how to respond. There are no other island societies we can emulate and learn from. If there is a way for humans to be happy without endlessly consuming more and more each year, we will have to find the way for ourselves.

Making Work for Ourselves (Part One)

Suppose that you and ninety-nine other people are stranded on a desert island. You are lucky, in that the island has all the natural resources – water, food, materials to build shelter – that you will need to survive indefinitely. Between the stranded hundred, there is a sufficient range of skills to competently manage any task you may need to perform, whether it is treating ailments or hunting wild boar. Unfortunately, you know that rescuers will never come. You are too far from habitation, and for whatever reason, the rest of the world will never look for you or find you. Your only focus is living and not escaping. Now suppose there is enough necessary work – in terms of maintaining shelter, gathering food etc – to keep about forty people busy all the time, leaving the other sixty with nothing to do. Let us not quibble about what is considered necessary, why there is not more work or less work, and what it means for a person to be busy all the time. Let us just say that, if sixty of the island’s population acted like they were on vacation, the other forty, using whatever tools and equipment that washed ashore with them, would be consistently able to do the chores. Forty workers could keep one hundred people fed, watered, clothed, warm and dry. Ignore anything that might demand a short-lived burst of extra energy, such as building the first shelters, coping with a spell of bad weather like a monsoon season, or dealing with an epidemic. The island’s population needs forty full-time workers on average. My question for you is: how would the islanders split up the work between them? And what work, if any, would you want to do?

There are no demonic and wealthy social scientists who would round up a representative sample of people and parachute them on to an island to see what would happen. It would be a glorious experiment, but unless the participants are willing, it would be unethical. If they were willing, the sample would not be representative, and the results would not be a reliable basis for inference. Being willing at the outset does not guarantee they will continue to be willing, and an experiment like this might need to run for years as the community may reorganize itself many times before the division of work is finally settled. However, although we cannot perform these experiments, the human race is, in an indirect way, constantly exploring the answer.

The question of who does what work is about organization, or more specifically how people organize themselves when it comes to performing work. Our most basic survival instincts will always lead to some kind of work, for somebody or other. The inhabitants of a desert island are remote from prevailing law and government, and so are free to create their own laws and govern themselves in new ways. They will decide how work and resources are distributed amongst the population. They will decide who has what obligations, who has what rewards. How would they organize themselves? Would they be Marxists, with everybody working according to their ability, and everyone receiving according to their needs? Would there be a simple form of egalitarianism, with everybody expected to do an equal share of the work, and some rules about what is an equal share? Would the island society establish a Capitalist principle of private ownership and trade between the individuals, with people buying and selling their possessions and their labours? Would the island end up with a despot, telling people what to do? Would it divide into classes, with some doing more work, others doing more supervising?

History is not of great help in finding an answer. In the past, most people were kept very busy just feeding themselves. Subsistence farmers comprise the great majority of people who have ever lived. What we learn from history is often skewed. Histories tend to be written from the perspective of the privileged few. Those with privilege tend to be more concerned with each other than with the lot of the great mass, except in those rare cases where the great mass threatens to revolt and upset the status quo. Because the powerful tend to be preoccupied with the powerful, it may feel like little has ever changed in human affairs. Nevertheless, mankind has shown the capacity for change over the centuries. Slavery used to be the norm. Now it is outlawed by and large. The fourth article of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states:

“No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms”

Outlawing slavery is a basic step. Nevertheless, it is a significant step change in how humans organize themselves.

Sometimes people wrongly equate slavery with the enslavement of Africans for use as farming labour in the new world. Slavery has been around a lot longer than just that ignoble episode. Modern sensitivities about race and a disproportionate emphasis on modern American history means we may forget that slavery was common to many ancient cultures, long before the invention of technology to move large numbers of people across the continents. The word ‘slave’ is derived from the word ‘Slav’ because so many Eastern European Slavs were sold in to slavery. The list of cultures which recognized some form of slavery is long: the Egyptians, the Assyrians, the Greeks, the Persians, the Romans, the Aztecs… it goes on and on. The Bible sets expectations for the minimum treatment of slaves. Jews traded non-Jews as slaves. The Muslims had rules to govern slavery. The medieval Catholic Church sometimes tried to ban it, but usually made exceptions for non-Christians. Throughout history, the motivation for slavery has largely been economic. For a very few to be prosperous, many more had to toil.

There are many problems with analyzing slavery as a basis for meeting people’s needs. One problem is that you cannot devise a general-purpose definition of a person’s needs that can explain the needs of the slave and the slave owner without also coming to the conclusion that the slave owner gets more than they need (or that the slave gets less). On the other hand, just because slave owners get more than they need, that does not mean that society does not need slaves. Whether we look at agriculture for the ancient Romans or in 18th Century US, it could be argued that efficiently organizing large numbers of people to work on farms enables a surplus of production which in turn frees other parts of the population to do different work. If everyone is a subsistence farmer, then nobody can be a professional soldier or research scientist. Both Plato and George Washington owned slaves. The debate about the need for slavery hence revolves around the extent to which it is permissible to curtail the individual’s liberties in order to meet the perceived needs of society as a whole. This debate is not limited to slavery, as it would occur in any circumstances where people live together as a group. It is pivotal to our modern lives. Slavery is just one end of a spectrum, with the slave giving up most liberty and being most subordinated into becoming a tool for economic production. All of us give up liberty to some extent, and there is a relationship between the loss of liberty, how we contribute the economy and earn a living, and how much of a living we make.

Slavery still exists today. By some reports, far more people are illegally enslaved today than were legally trafficked from Africa to the Americas; take a look at this article in the UN Chronicle. Illegality makes it harder to track the real numbers. The motives remain economic, but the method of making money has changed. The prime slave is no longer a strong African man who would make a good farmhand. Today slavery is more oriented around the women of many races who are forced into prostitution. It is reported that most of these women are promised new lives as illegal immigrants in foreign countries, only to find out the truth when they arrive. Because of their precarious legal position, their choices are stark. The persistence of slavery today, despite legal sanctions to prevent it, and in the absence of any obvious need for it, tell us something about how people organize themselves for economic gain. It also tells us how demand and supply continues to determine human affairs, even as perceived needs change.

Human history is not a good guide to what our islanders will do, because human invention always changes the parameters of work and need. Advances in science, technology and equipment mean that Thomas Jefferson’s farm, including slaves, was less productive than Al Gore’s farm is without slaves. If you want to make the world a better place now, and forever more, then you should invent something. You may not profit from the invention, but so long as your invention is not lost or forgotten, the human race as a whole has a chance to gain from it. A good new invention may not change the world overnight, but it will proliferate over time. An invention represents a fundamental change in economic parameters. Something that used to be impossible is now possible. This is the root cause of why each generation tends to be more prosperous than the generation before. The driving force of invention, coupled with the accumulation of capital, was recognized by the economist J.M. Keynes. In 1930, in the midst of the great depression, he wrote an essay called “Economic Possibilities for our Grandchildren” in which he painted an optimistic picture of the future. Keynes predicted that by 2030 people would be working 15-hour weeks, and that the greater motivation for their work would be the human desire to keep busy and, to a lesser extent, to acquire more wealth. To his mind, progress had essentially liberated man from hard graft. Keynes gave a comforting message that the depression was an anomaly, created by the speed of change and the novelty of the human situation. He asserted that the underlying dynamic of wealth creation would prevail in the long run. As a consequence, need would no longer be a significant source of human motivation. Whilst Keynes’ predictions about increases in the standard of living have proven right so far, there is no sign of the leisure society he imagined. If powerful forces are driving us towards a better life, why are they creating a higher standard of living, but not a shorter working week?

The desert island I introduced in my opening question is a metaphor for our planet, the island of Earth. I supposed an island where the stranded inhabitants, with the tools and knowledge they possess, could satisfy their needs whilst utilizing only 40% of the workforce. Choosing 40% was arbitrary. More primitive technology or knowledge would mean a larger proportion would need to work just to ensure all needs are satisfied. Improvements would mean less of the workforce has to be engaged to satisfy the islander’s needs. The exact figure is less important than the sense of a sliding scale, and that most of us can agree on a definition of human needs that could be satisfied with less than 100% of the workforce. If progress is driving us further and further towards a world where our needs are met more easily, how does this change our motivations and how we organize ourselves? Do we become indolent? Do we seek solutions to needs that are more personal than societal, such as treatments of infertility? Do we use the time made available and try to accumulate even greater, previously unimaginable wealth? Does our answer change, depending on whether we live in an existing society with established customs and practice, or if we imagine ourselves constructing a new society from scratch?

Nobody can parachute a random sample of one hundred people on to an island, to see how they behave over a period of years. However, we can perform a thought experiment. We can imagine the scenario, and try to identify how they would behave. Our estimations should be based on the evidence of how people have behaved in the past, and how they behave today. I am going to continue the thought experiment in the sequel to this post, to be published next week. In the continuation, I will look at the choices the islanders are faced with, and contrast them with the choices people make in the real world. That way, I hope to learn about the island society, and our own.

Going Around in Circles

It is a new year. What is so new about it? Anyone born before 2008 will have been here before, at least on a cosmic scale. We inhabitants of the Earth have completed one orbit of the Sun since the last bout of New Year’s parties. Presumably that is something worth celebrating, though I am not sure what contribution anyone made to this stellar achievement, except that even the thinnest and tiniest of us has a mass and hence adds to gravity’s sum. If going around the Sun is worth celebrating, that would seem to imply that the heaviest people deserve the most congratulation. Perhaps that would justify them eating and drinking a little bit more during the celebrations, and hence creating an oddly virtuous circle.

Although the Earth goes around the Sun, you could argue we are not back where we were. Our whole solar system is moving, as it spins around our Galaxy, the Milky Way. On that measure, it will be another 220 million years before we are back here again. I cannot imagine anyone is planning a party for that anniversary. On top of that, the entire Milky Way is moving towards something called the Great Attractor. The Great Attractor is not what you get if you advertise that the Beckhams, Brangelina, TomKat, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson will be attending a wife-swapping party, though the respective influence on galaxies and paparazzi are similar. The Great Attractor is a superdense gravity anomaly about 250 million light years away. Although the Milky Way is heading for the Great Attractor at a rate of something over 500 km/s, we will not be getting there anytime soon, and when we do, it is not sure if this will be a cause for celebration.

Returning to our own cosmic backyard, Einstein showed we do not go around the Sun in a fixed elliptical orbit, as previously thought. His general theory of relatively explained that the route of the orbit is also turning through space, tracing a path like a celestial spirograph. Einstein’s theory correctly predicted that the perihelion, the point where a planet is closest to a star during its orbit, keeps changing. Each year, it arrives earlier than the year before. Earth’s perihelion now occurs in January. That is fortunate for everyone suffering the winter in the Northern hemisphere, as otherwise it would be even colder. However, the change in the Earth’s orbit is only very slight, meaning it will take about 21,000 revolutions before we are back where we began and start to retrace the same route.

The advancing perihelion may not be enough to poop a New Year’s party, but Einstein had plenty more reasons to undermine any annual festivity. To begin with, the changing perihelion is only one manifestation of the curvature of spacetime. Because time is not independent of space, it elapses at different rates depending on where you are and where you are going. Imagine three friends. One of them is going to blast off in a rocket that will take him as far and as fast as he can go into deepest space. The other two are less adventurous, and decide to stay at home. The astronaut launches at precisely midnight on New Year’s Eve; NASA are trying to save costs on fireworks displays. A year goes by, and the two homebodies are holding a party. They count down to the new year, and then send a goodwill ‘instant’ message to their pal in space. Thanks to magical technology, their message really does arrive an instant later. However, the atomic-powered chronometer on the astronaut’s spaceship will say that the year is not yet over. Because he has been moving at speed, his clock undergoes time dilation relative to the party-goers on Earth. This means that the clock on the rocket seems to run relatively slow if seen by people on Earth. This is one strange consequence of the measurement of time not being independent of location in space.

If you think time dilation sounds odd, you have only heard the half of it. If the roles were reversed, and the astronaut instead sent the ‘instant’ message back to his buddies on Earth, they would find that their Earth clocks were running slow, relative to the astronaut’s. How can the clocks on the rocket, and on Earth, both be slow relative to each other? Although we said the rocketman was moving away at high speed, all motion is only relative. From the perspective of the astronaut, he is stationary and it is the planet Earth, with all its inhabitants including his two friends, that is moving away at speed. It does not matter that he is alone and there are lots of people on Earth, it is just as meaningful to describe the Earth’s movement relative to the rocket as it is to describe the rocket’s movement relative to the Earth. From the astronaut’s point of view, the Earth has been moving at high speed, and hence clocks on Earth are all dilated. That way, he finds himself celebrating the new year before anyone else.

So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us exactly where we began, not just at this moment or for today, but all year and every year. All motion is relative, so it is just as true to say the Sun goes around the Earth as it is to say the Earth goes around the Sun. From our perspective, the Earth is motionless. That is lucky, as otherwise we would fall off. When we celebrate going once around the Sun, we have not gone anywhere at all. New Year’s parties are less of a home-coming and more of a never-going-away-in-the-first-place. However, it does at least mean that the Earth, or more precisely the bit of it where you are, (or more precisely still, the bit of it where I am) really is the centre of the universe. What is more, it is not just the centre of the universe now. It always has been the centre of the universe, and always will be. Now that is something I can celebrate all the year round.

(Content+Capability)-Consumption @ Christmas.com

In the culture to which I was born, this time of year is for reflection, and for wishing peace and goodwill to all. Or this time of year is for excessive indulgence, and mindless materialism. Or this time year is for being with family and loved ones. Or this time of year is for rituals, the origins of which are unknown to most; rituals that are pleasurable to some, tedious to others. Or this time of year is for spiritual renewal. Or this time of year is for giving and receiving gifts. I am talking about Christmas, of course. Or rather, I am talking about the ‘festive season’, a distinction I will make because Christmas is essentially a Christian holiday, yet its trappings have been absorbed into a cultural juggernaut that transcends religion. I will start where I began, from the position that Christmas is for reflection, peace and goodwill to all. I may not be Queen Elizabeth II, who this year gave her fifty-sixth Christmas broadcast since 1952 (she had the day off on Christmas Day 1969). Nor am I President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, who gave this year’s ‘alternative’ Christmas message on the UK’s Channel 4, causing some to get so upset with the fact that he was allowed to speak that they completely failed to listen to what he said. As this is a time for goodwill, I beg your forbearance as I offer a further Christmas message of my own.

There is no such thing as Christmas, of course. I do not mean to dispute that there was a Jesus and that he was born a man on a given day. Scholars believe that the man existed, though you will forgive me if I, like most of them, avoid stating a conclusion on whether Jesus was God incarnate. I mean that Christmas is no longer one story, one festival. It is a convenient coming-together of many disparate themes into a symphony of celebration. Christmas is a melting pot, or better still a party where everybody brings a dish that they made themselves. As far as Christmas is concerned, people put in and take out what they like. That means there are as many Christmases as there are ways to celebrate it.

Scholars do not believe that December 25th is the literal birth date of Jesus. However, if Christmas is meant to celebrate the arrival of Jesus on this Earth, you could be forgiven for forgetting that fact. Most Christmas ceremony is as reliable a guide to Jesus’ birth, life and message as Errol Flynn and Kevin Costner are faithful purveyors of the story of Robin Hood. Christmas, like Jesus himself, is the kernel. Around it we find layer upon layer of shiny wrapping. Much of the season is as insubstantial and transitory as gift paper, and destined for the dustbin the day the season is over.

Over the ages, Christians have been no less susceptible to mixing Christmas with other rituals. German pagans left carrots or straw in their shoes, a gift of food for the horse of the god Odin. After his horse had eaten, Odin would repay their kindness by refilling the shoes with gifts or sweets. There are no more offerings of carrots or straw, but people still leave out their stockings today. In Britain, the puritanical government of Cromwell had such a dim view of the heritage of Christmas as a Christian festival that they banned it outright. What we understand as Christmas is really a mangling and merging of traditions and inventions. For example, the character known as Father Christmas in English-speaking countries, and as Père Noël amongst Francophiles, is historically distinct from Santa Claus. The British Father Christmas used to wear a green cloak, not a red suit. Some Czech advertising professionals, keen to maintain their own traditions have even resorted to running their own anti-Santa campaign. To their minds, Santa is a corporate invader from the US and UK, not a giver of gifts from the North Pole. They see Santa as a threat to local traditions that even the Soviets could not suppress.

For the first time in the history, near enough anyone can acquire the capability to share their Christmas message with near enough everyone who wants to listen to it. This era’s investment in electronic communications is possibly the greatest gift that mankind has ever enjoyed. Messages of peace and goodwill are no longer the preserve of royalty and the rich. That said, capability is only a starting point for communication. To communicate, you also need a shared context, a common outlook, and content that is meaningful to the recipient as well as to the sender. At this time, when the world is confronted by problems that are ever more global in both cause and effect, the need for communication has never been more apparent. Having attained the technological prowess, we still lack the language to talk to one another. Babel’s cacophony is a nuisance, but the obstacle posed by the many languages of the world is surmountable. Every day English is evolving into the de facto standard for anyone wanting to make themselves understood beyond their nation’s borders. The real shortfall lies not in words, but in metaphors and stories. We lack the shared references that permit words to convey more than immediate and mundane desires. Ethics and spirituality cannot be described in terms of bread and stone. Christmas is a case in point. This holiday can be used to signify the desire to realize the brotherhood of man. Yet, as often as not, it is promulgated for more prosaic ends. Its message of unity can alternatively be read as divisive, depending on whether it is used to emphasize tolerance or religious hegemony. Stripped of religious overtones, and the problem is made worse, not better. Without its moral firmament, Christmas becomes a proxy for good things, leaving us no wiser as to what really is good for us.

Left to wander outside its Christian stable, Christmas morphs into a chameleon. The festive season is a license to do anything that makes us happy. If that is sugar fizzy water, then you can drink Coca-Cola until your mouth rots. If happiness lies in sex, then you can carry your mistletoe and stalk your prey at drunken parties. If food is the source of joy, then ’tis the season for gluttony. It is no wonder that the Czech advertising executives see Santa’s sleigh as a vehicle for commercialism. Not that they object to the commercialism, they just object to the way it can digest all humanity and regurgitate it as the same tasteless pulp. Perhaps fighting Christmas materialism misses the point. Materialism is what people have in common, more than anything else. It is little wonder that typing christmas.com into your web browser takes you to a splog – a spam blog containing many links and used to generate click-throughs to retail websites. The US is the global standard-bearer for materialism, so it should be no surprise if Santa Claus speaks to the world with an American accent. Saint Nick is easily appreciated by all, because everyone can see the advantages of knowing somebody who gives but expects nothing in return. He ends up looking the same all over the world because that is the path of least resistance. Why go to the trouble of getting Father Christmas a green cloak, when you can simply buy in the same red-suited Santa Claus as the rest of the world? And if those Santa Clauses come from the same Chinese factory or Hollywood studio, so much the better, as economies of scale will keep the costs down, meaning you get more Christmas for your money. Though if Christmas is about getting what you want, then how does it differ from the rest of the year?

The festive season has not just consumed Christmas and spewed it up as a sickly goo. The goo coats everything that coincides with it, giving them all the same flavour. Hanukkah is not meant to be happy just because it is convenient to send Jews a greeting card at the same time as everyone else. China is a country of Buddhists supposedly run by Communists, but in the Northern city of Harbin this year they built ‘the world’s largest ice santa’. Why the organizers of this ice festival would make effigies of Saint Nick should be a mystery, but you will have already guessed at the reason: to make money, in this case from increased tourism. This is Christmas as photo backdrop, stripped of any other significance. Perhaps this is what we should be hoping for from the season. Perhaps the festive season really is the perfect combination of trade and peace, even at a time of financial despondency. Maybe if we are all too dependent on buying and selling from each other, we will have too much to lose and will never resort to fighting each other again. However, I doubt it. Alongside the insipid well-wishing, people need to work together if the world is to be a harmonious place. The world’s population continues to grow, non-renewable resources are inevitably diminishing, and it is a rare person who, like Santa, puts the needs of humanity ahead of their own. If we needed a reminder that making, buying and selling stuff is not a formula for lasting happiness, you need only read the story of Harbin’s ice santa as reported in the China Daily. Alongside the various headlines bemoaning the global downturn and reduced exports from Chinese factories, the story tells us that the ice sculptors in Harbin faced an especially difficult and dangerous task this year. Global warming has forced the sculptors in the northerly city to resort to using manufactured ice. Without irony, we are informed that the warmer temperatures mean that the ice is prone to melting, causing it to become slippery, and making the sculptor’s job especially hazardous.

It is not enough to have a message. Somebody needs to be motivated to circulate that message. Others must want to listen. The accessibility of modern communication technology does not greatly change that. The balance has shifted from the few previously able to send to message to the many now deciding which of countless messages they choose to listen to, but the number of messages that get listened to remains finite. Not many people have the time to handle the volume of correspondence that Santa receives. There can be fewer messages that are so readily conveyed and understood than the one which says people should get things they want. That is why the retailers and manufacturers will always be keen to give the Christmas message, and consumers will always want to receive it. Even small children can relate to it. At this time each year, I find writing my annual seasonal letter, and selecting and sending greeting cards (both those made of actual card and the oxymoronic e-cards) to be a challenge in diplomacy. Messages that wish a ‘Merry Christmas’ miss the mark when sent to people that happen to believe in something different to the Christmas sermon-cum-confection. The messages proffered by the oddball crew of Christians, atheists and opportunists that board the yuletide bandwagon each year may be disparate, but they still resonate with Christian overtones. ‘Season’s Greetings’ is hardly an improvement on ‘Merry Christmas’, as we all know why the season centres on December 25th. Try as I might, I will never combine the sensitivity and knowledge to articulate a message that would be meaningful and appreciated right around the world. As my seasonal letter-writing struggles demonstrate, I am barely adroit enough to communicate to the people that I know. Whilst I have the capability, thanks to the advance of technology and engineering, I do not have the content to talk to an entire planet. I cannot empathize with all points of view around the world. Zoroastrians of the world will need to accept my sincere apology when I say I do not have time to learn about their religious practices (though I am reluctant to be too hard on myself, as I am still someway ahead of anyone who thinks Zoroastrians dress in black and uses swords to cut Z’s into the seat of their opponents’ trousers). The only truly universal messages I can think of tend to be as bland as the ones I want to rail against. Although I would like to do better, the global majority possibly have it right. If Christmas means buying-and-selling, giving-and-taking, and comes wrapped in a vaguely American packaging, that may be the best we can all hope for, collectively, as a race. Even with the internet, for all its democratizing potential, the sheer dominance of American, and commercial, participation skews its usefulness as a medium for other important messages. Modern communications is still prone to reinforcing what is already considered mainstream – especially if it is mainstream in North America. Using the internet to deliver an anti-commercial Christmas message may be barely more popular than a message of goodwill from the President of Iran.

Setting aside the Czech admen for a moment, this season does revolve around ideas that most of us can agree are good, at least at a personal level. Beyond the personal, it is not so clear that Christmas is good. We are consuming the Earth’s resources, and not replenishing them. We have no clear view on how to bring this back into balance. In some senses consumption has become essential, and along with it the kind of ebullient outlook encouraged by Christmas. If people stop buying we may get depressed about the future and, in turn, fear for our jobs. On the other hand, perhaps losing those jobs would be a real Christmas blessing. They may not have been very good jobs to have, if they depend on the capacity to consume way beyond actual needs. How badly did we need those jobs anyway? If the purpose is to earn income in order to consume to excess, then perhaps we can do without those jobs.

In practice, the distribution of the world’s wealth is not based on merit. Saint Nick keeps a list of all the good boys and girls, and visits them all, at least according to Google and the air traffic controllers at North America’s Norad who claim to track Santa’s progress in real-time. In contrast, our global economy is not based on such a simple premise of rewards for merit. It tends to bestow too many gifts on some, too few on others. Now we are nearing the capability of universal communication, thoughts should turn to global conversations, about the topics the world needs to talk about. I cannot think of a topic more apposite for this Christmas than how we distribute the wealth of the world. I am not just talking about the many remaining and severe injustices around the planet, where people starve, die of curable diseases or are left homeless by no fault of their own, though that is a very important element of it. I am also talking about how we find better, fairer ways to reward people for the real value of what they contribute to the world. We need to find better ways to motivate people to address people’s needs, and fewer ways to placate greed. Charity is no solution. The largesse of individuals like Bill Gates should not obscure the disadvantages of living in a world that permits such obscene wealth to be accumulated. Wealth is a corrupting influence, as can be attested to by the many hard-working competitors who were unfairly crushed by Microsoft’s business tactics. Confronting and dealing with the problem of disparate wealth will require willing collaboration from people around the world. The default mode of world governance – waiting for the Americans to take the lead – is not a suitable approach. America is the cheerleader for consumption, and its power depends on it. Doing nothing is not much of an alternative, as evidenced by the scientists that monitor the impact our profligacy has on the environment. If ordinary folks will not take the reigns, then we might ultimately need rescuing through the imposition of dictators (benign or otherwise). As dictators are always a risky solution to any problem, the morality of wealth and reward is something we all need to talk about now, whether we are Christian or Muslim, non-believer or undecided, Zoroastrian or other. Many will be reluctant to do so. The technological capability to communicate with anyone on the planet is the wonder of our time. Disparate wealth and the corrupting influence of endless consumption is its evil. Managing consumption is the essential challenge of the era, with human suffering and environmental devastation as the consequences if we fail. We will not set the world to rights in time for next Christmas, but like the ice sculptors of Harbin, we need to chip away at our goal. If we can use our technology to pursue this noble enterprise, and not just for opening more lines of communication dedicated to selling and reinforcing our old selfish prejudices, we may one day achieve the dream of a brotherhood of man. This season, I cannot think of a better wish.

Ten Christmas Films to Remember

Think of a Christmas film. Maybe you thought of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life‘ or ‘The Muppet Christmas Carol‘. Maybe you need your Christmas schmaltz to be tempered, so thought of ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas‘ instead. If you were a bit more lateral you might have thought of ‘Home Alone‘, ‘Gremlins‘ or ‘Love, Actually‘ which are also set at Christmas. But you probably did not think of a homo-erotic drama set in a Japanese PoW camp (‘Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence‘). There are so many schlocky films where somebody like Tim Allen dresses up in a red suit and acts good, or somebody like Billy Bob Thornton dresses up in a red suit and acts bad, you may have forgotten all the films where Christmas features prominently in the story, but which also managed to be so much more. Luckily, you have me to remind you. When sat in front of the tellybox this festive season, here are ten excuses to change the mood and enjoy something different.

10. Eyes Wide Shut

The last film made by the obsessive Stanley Kubrick, Eyes Wide Shut is less a story about the sexual imagination of two people, and more of an excuse for Kubrick’s imagery. Kubrick paints with a vivid palette that cuts between sensuous reds to offset radiant skin, and icy blues that reflect the dark hungers of the soul. Real-life star couple Kidman and Cruise play the married protagonists, but the story itself dances on the boundaries with the surreal. The character’s dreams are merged with the dream-like events that happen to them, leaving the viewer disoriented about what is happening in the world and what is happening in the character’s minds. In the final scene, thoughts are equated with actions. Kidman revels in fantasies about infidelity, but turns down the one real-life lothario that she comes across. Tom goes cruising for sex, gets into trouble, and is frightened back into his wife’s arms. But the real star of the movie is Kubrick’s backdrops, which is also why it fails to be erotic. No matter how good the drapes look, they will never turn me on. Kidman and Cruise do their best, but ultimately they have to settle for being gorgeous mannequins in a Kubrick set piece. Whether at a fabulous party, a costume shop, a sumptuous orgy, or the deserted streets at night, the movie transports us through the hinterland of the subconscious. The bright lights of Christmas can be cold and distant, and are used to frame this moving picture artwork. Take a look at this scene where Cruise finds himself being followed:

The film does leave you asking one question, though. Why do I never get invited to parties to like that?

9. Go

There are teen movies that are made for teens who want teen movies, and there are teen movies that are made for people who think they are old enough to know better. Go is a superior example of the latter. It has all the hallmarks of a movie on the cusp of indie and Hollywood. A cast of good-looking emerging stars eat up the dialogue in a multi-threaded plot. The ribbon of story ties together all those favourite devices of drugs, cars, crime, sex, guns, and violence, and wraps it in the shiny tinsel paper setting of Christmas in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. Diving into the plot and motivation of the characters is not recommended, as any apparent depth is an optical illusion. One to watch when the kids are in bed and you are still pickling your brain on what is left of the party booze.

8. Lethal Weapon

This is the Hollywood buddy cop movie with edge. Before the franchise was watered down with the likes of Joe Pesci and Chris Rock, Gibson and Glover came as close to granite as you can get in a mainstream action flick. As the suicidal Riggs, distraught over the death of his wife, Gibson delivers a performance that is straight out of the watch-out-I-am-very-disturbed-and-might-go-mental-at-any-moment drawer. Setting the film at Christmas is a simple way to add depth to this emotional undercurrent. Check out the scene where Riggs contemplates ending all his troubles:

7. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

When they make the effort, Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer can out-act most of the rest of Hollywood. Fortunately for the audience, they were both ready for action when they showed up at the shooting of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. This black comedy crime caper is sometimes too clever and too black for its own good, but the scintillating dialogue lights up the movie when Downey Jr. and Kilmer are on screen. It is the story of a petty thief mistaken for an actor who reunites at an LA Christmas party with the girl he had a crush upon in childhood, only to become embroiled with her and his metrosexual private eye acting coach in a murder mystery that… Forget me trying to explain the plot. If you have not seen it already, then watch it and find out for yourself. To whet your appetite, here is a choice cut from this juicy script:

6. While You Were Sleeping

Along with Speed, this film turned Sandra Bullock into a star, and she has never been better. Romances sprinkled with touches of comedy and pathos are always delicate affairs. Get the mix too heavy, and they are unpalatable to anyone but the desperately sentimental. Too few ingredients, and they evaporate before you can taste them. They demand actors that can stay believable when both silly and serious, without letting either kind of scene overpower the flavour of the movie. Bullock shines as the lead character in this movie. She plays a lonely girl with a crush on a stranger that buys train tickets from her booth, and is then mistaken for his fiancé when he falls into a coma. Bill Pullman is also at his best as Bullock’s comic and romantic foil. Choosing to set this story at Christmas may seem like overkill, but it was handled as gently as the rest of this surprisingly tender and heartwarming story. If you want a masterclass in Christmas romance, you will not get better.

Having read my review, you may think While You Were Sleeping is at least half-decent. Unfortunately, you would not think so from the movie trailer, which just confirms what I said about how hard it is to get the balance right. Here it is anyway.

5. Batman Returns

Tim Burton was the movie maverick who started Hollywood down the dark path which has brought us to the most recent Batman movies and Heath Ledger’s spellbindingly unhinged take on ‘The Joker’. When Burton first unleashed his gothic vision of Gotham City, it set nerves racing. After directing the visually stunning, creepy, enormously successful but ultimately quite bland Batman, Burton had licence to take the follow-up, Batman Returns, deeper into the cave of Bruce Wayne’s psyche. The result is an eerie concoction. Sewers of explosive penguins are commanded by a deformed Danny DeVito. Christopher Walken is the corrupt businessman in extremis. His character’s name, Max Shreck, is a reference to the actor who was the original screen vampire, Nosferatu. Michael Keaton inhabits the rubber suit with an embodiment of the phrase “still waters run deep”. The change to Batman’s love interest completes the swing in the mood. Goody-goody reporter Vicky Vale from the first film is out, replaced by the cartwheeling, nine-lives, tight-stitched Catwoman of Michelle Pfeiffer. Though it looks a little tame by recent standards, Burton’s Batman Returns was too much for the Hollywood machine, which handed the directorial baton into the much safer hands of Joel Schumacher. Batman Returns is certainly not your typical Christmas flick. This is the scene where Shreck lights Gotham’s Christmas tree, only to be interrupted by the Penguin…

4. Edward Scissorhands

Tim Burton must have a thing about Christmas. As well as Batman Returns and The Nightmare Before Christmas, he also directed Edward Scissorhands. Scissorhands is perhaps the most personal of Burton’s unlikely festive treats. It is a modern inversion of a morality play, where the unfinished Edward remains good and innocent despite the provocations of the corrupting townsfolk. Edward, like many a misunderstood teenage goth or emo, may look scary, but is timid and has a sensitive soul. His early Christmas present from his creator, a pair of hands, does not arrive early enough. His maker, played by Vincent Price, dies whilst showing the hands to Johnny, and they are never fitted, leaving Edward with blades instead. After his misadventures with the townsfolk, Edward is forced back into hiding at the deserted house of his creator. Even so, the film ends with Edward showering down a present on the town below – the ‘snow’ created by the whirlwind creation of his ice sculptures. The eponymous lead is beautifully played by Johnny Depp, and he is ably supported by a tremendous cast including the gorgeous Winona Ryder. Depp imbues his fantastic character with a real gravity. In this scene, Edward is helping with the Christmas decorations:

3. Trading Places

Commodities trading used to be so simple. Time was, you could take an ordinary guy off the street, suggest to him that he should buy low and sell high, and before you knew it he would corner the market in frozen orange juice. Those were the days. Back then, John Landis was a hot director (long before the ignominy of Blues Brothers 2000), Dan Aykroyd could still see his toes and could still time his punchlines, and Eddie Murphy was a rising star who went to auditions and cared about being funny. Working with a great script, and a tremendous supporting cast including Denholm Elliott (best ever English butler), Jamie Lee Curtis (best ever tart with a heart and best ever superfluous money shot), Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche (best ever rich scheming billionaire baddies) they made a timeless gem of a movie in Trading Places. Not only do the baddies turn the lives of Aykroyd and Murphy upside down, they do it at Christmas! Thankfully, the heroes end up joining forces and hatch a scheme to turn the tables on the crooked arch-capitalists.

In this scene, our Murphy’s character shows the billionaires that he really has the inside ‘juice’ on how the commodities markets work. If only the rest of the world understood it as clearly…

2. Brazil

Dystopian futures never come as dystopian, or as fantastic, as the dystopian futures created by director and ex-Monty Python Terry Gilliam. In Gilliam’s future, they do not just torture you – they ruin your credit rating by making you pay for the electricity. Long before the war on terror, Gilliam’s vision is one of a repressive government squeezing the life out of its own people, in the name of safeguarding their security. In this world, government is not just ruthless and inhuman, it is also bureaucratic and incompetent. Gilliam rightly sees that their bungling inability to identify who their enemies are, and their production-line punishment of the innocents that they catch instead, makes them scarier still. But this being Gilliam, we also get caught up in the story of a man just trying to make the system work well enough and long enough to allow him to find the woman of his dreams. In Brazil, the always superb Jonathan Pryce excels as the hapless protagonist Sam Lowry. Along the way his paths cross with a real assortment of characters that only populate a mind like Gilliam’s. Robert De Niro puts in a performance of unusual verve and originality for his later career, playing a ‘terrorist’ plumber who is the only man wiling to turn down the heat in Lowry’s flat. Another Python, Michael Palin, is cast as Lowry’s more career-minded friend. He not only tortures people for a living, he changes the name of his wife to fit in with a mistake made by his boss. If you have not seen it, I will not spoil the ending, and I promise you will not be able to predict how this Christmas story ends. Did you expect the predictable from a Python? This clip shows the opening of the film…

1. Die Hard

No matter how bad your office party was, it was not as bad as the one held in Nakatomi Tower, downtown LA, 1988. It was not a good party, but it was a truly great blockbuster movie – good enough to spawn three sequels. Bruce Willis is John McClane, the wise-cracking NYPD cop in the wrong place at the wrong time. Alan Rickman is Hans Gruber, the smooth and sophisticated European terrorist turned master thief. In Die Hard you cannot take your eyes off either. Combine them with a great script, tremendous direction, pacy editing and top stunt action, and you get the best Christmas film you completely forgot was about Christmas. Willis and Rickman are individually brilliant, and because the film keeps cutting backwards and forwards between them, Die Hard has a wonderful dramatic rhythm that few action films can recreate. This is the scene where they first face each other:

Die Hard has it all, and raised the bar for every action movie afterwards. It is exciting. It is well written. It is funny. By the time they got to version 4.0, they had started to run out of good ideas, buy anyone would struggle to match the original Die Hard. Another of its incredible strengths is how well paced it is. You get a little breather every so often, and then…

Helping to keep the film engaging and moving at the same time, the film delivers an intriguing array of supporting characters. You get FBI agents Johnson and Johnson (“No relation”). There is McClane’s estranged wife Holly Gennaro (“What idiot put you in charge?” “You did. When you murdered my boss.”) Sergeant Al Powell boosts the morale of McClane by talking to him over the radio, whilst Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson makes a hash of things (“What about the body that fell out the window?” “Well, who knows? Probably some stockbroker, got depressed.”) Rounding out the ensemble we get a couple of classic buffoons in scumbag reporter Richard Thornburg, and corporate clown Harry Ellis (“I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.”) Each character gets just a few minutes to make their mark, but each character hits the mark. It takes an ambitious script to slip in so many vignettes alongside the adrenalin, but Die Hard does it with elegance and wit.

There is a lot of icing on the Die Hard Christmas cake. All the finishing touches turn an excellent film into a unique treat. McClane is a fan of Roy Rogers but no fan of flying. We find out where Gruber buys his suits. One of the henchmen helps himself to a chocolate bar whilst waiting for a shootout in the lobby. Finally, there is the music: Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto No. 3, and Vaughn Monroe crooning “Let it snow! Let is snow! Let it snow!” As a result, we get a regular subconscious reminder that all the events are set on Christmas Eve.

This festive season, try not to spend too long glued to the television. But if you do indulge, spare a thought for these forgotten classics. If you have nothing better to do, you can do worse than digging out your old video tapes or DVDs. I promise you will enjoy them far more than a re-run of The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. All of which leaves me with only one more thing to say. Yippee-ki-yay and merry Christmas!

Democracy, and the End of the Beginning

In November of 1942, following the Allied victory at the Second Battle of El Alamein, Winston Churchill said:

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

As ever, Churchill found a pithy way to convey many different messages with just two dozen words. To British minds at least, El Alamein was a turning point in WWII. It was the place where the democratic powers engaged in the war were finally able to push back their totalitarian enemies. In one sense the Egyptian town was literally a turning point, as it represented the furthest point of advance by the Axis forces in North Africa. It was also a turning point in terms of success. The Second Battle was a decisive victory and the first successful major Allied offensive. As Churchill later wrote in his memoirs:

It may almost be said, “Before Alamein we never had a victory. After Alamein we never had a defeat.”

Victory in North Africa was vital for the Axis forces, and hence for the Allies too. Earlier in the conflict, the strip of land between the Mediterranean and the Sahara had seen Britain vying with Italy in a see-saw contest. The arrival of Germany’s Afrika Korps, under the command of Erwin Rommel, had changed that, and the Axis forces were now making sustained progress towards their goal. They pushed further and further East, towards the shipping routes through the Suez which played a crucial role in transporting supplies to the Allies. At this time Britain was already suffering a severe problem with getting the resources needed to sustain the fight. Britain faced a very real danger of starvation. As an island, Britain needed to import vast amounts of food from North America. Britain also badly needed American equipment. To pay for it all, Britain had to resort to vast amounts of borrowing. Even so, U-boat attacks on supply ships in the mid-Atlantic threatened to force Britain’s surrender without the need for an invasion of its soil. These attacks reached a peak in 1942. German submarines sunk a total of 1,159 ships that year, more than they had in 1939, 1940 and 1941 put together. Conversely, German control across North Africa would have been the solution to what ultimately proved the most debilitating limitation of the German military, their lack of fuel. Germany had the tanks and aircraft to execute remarkable blitzkrieg tactics, rapidly capturing large swathes of territory. They used the blitzkrieg to great effect, first in Western Europe and then in Russia, but the Axis powers were unable to supply the quantities of oil needed for a sustained fight. German control of the Middle East would have solved that problem.

Rommel began as the aggressor at El Alamein, though his attacks were borne of desperation. The Axis supply lines were stretched, making it too easy for the Allies to attack and interrupt their flow. Too few reinforcements were being sent anyhow, as Germany directed ever more resources to the front in Russia, which was stalled in the face of bitter Winter conditions and intractable Russian defenders. The Axis advance towards the oil fields of the Caucasus had been depleted in the punishing Battle of Stalingrad. Rommel needed to win soon or he would inevitably be overmatched and defeated by the Allies. As well as the manpower and resources that came from the British Commonwealth, he would soon have to contend with the American forces as well. The USA only entered the war in late 1941, and their initial focus was solely on the fight with the Japanese in the Pacific. However, they had earlier stretched the bounds of neutrality by providing naval protection to the Atlantic convoys that Britain depended upon. Having regrouped in their Pacific conflict with the Japanese, the US would soon extend their field of operations to North Africa. Rommel needed to act decisively. The British, with the assistance of the Commonwealth nations of India, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, had methodically assembled superior numbers of troops and equipment. At El Alamein, Rommel had roughly half the number of tanks and troops at the disposal of the Allies. With little prospect of further matériel reaching him anytime soon, Rommel had to attack now if he was to have any hope of consolidating the Axis gains. In the First Battle of El Alamein, Rommel had hounded the poorly organized Allied forces under the command of General Auchinleck, but been unable to break through and secure a victory. Auchinleck was dismissed. His eventual replacement was Lieutenant-General Bernard Montgomery, a man who emphasized planning, coordination and the morale of the common soldier. Despite Rommel’s best efforts, the superior forces of Montgomery’s British Eighth Army prevailed and permanently blunted the Axis drive to take North Africa, Suez and the Middle East.

The victory at El Alamein served a symbolic purpose, which Churchill grasped. The democracies of mainland Europe had all fallen to Germany. Russia was suffering staggering losses on the Eastern Front in a desperate bid to slow the German advances. Churchill needed a victory to boost flagging British morale. At the same time, the war was a long way from being won, so Churchill had to temper any jubilation. His words were carefully chosen to do that. Victory at the Second Battle of El Alamein was also important to Churchill himself. He had replaced General Auchinleck even though the general has held El Alamein in the first battle. Churchill was also facing the threat of a motion of no-confidence in the British House of Commons if the sequence of Allied defeats continued. He badly needed a victory to secure his own political position as wartime leader.

So why am I telling you all this? I find the history fascinating in itself, but this story of events from over sixty years ago still offers many parallels to challenges we face at the start of the 21st Century. The struggle for El Alamein was pivotal. At this point in the war, the pendulum, which had been swinging in favour of the despotic Axis powers, had reached its limit and began to swing back toward the Allied democracies. However, the victory for democracy in WWII was only partial. There would not have been an Allied victory, if the totalitarian Soviet Union, with its extraordinary willingness to lay down the lives of its citizens in its defence, had not been part of the alliance. The Eastern Front consumed enormous quantities of Axis manpower and resources that would otherwise have been focused on taking Britain and North Africa. At the end of the war, the autonomy of Western Europe was reinstated, and Japan was eventually integrated into the democratic fold. On the other side of the scales, Stalin encompassed Eastern Europe within his authoritarian grip, and the seeds of further war and repression were sown widely, in places as diverse as China and Iran. Although history was punctuated with a long Cold War, more recent decades have apparently seen the pendulum continue to swing further towards democracy. The Soviet Union collapsed, Germany reunified, and the former Warsaw Pact countries have by and large deposed the Communist oligarchs that used to rule them. Spain democratized following the death of Franco. Elsewhere, in places like China, Korea and Vietnam, brutal regimes have been limited in scope or softened their approach. But might this pendulum now being reached its pro-democratic limit, and be about to change direction again?

Political power is determined by a mix of basic ingredients. Those ingredients are essentially the same as those that featured in our potted history of El Alamein and the surrounding circumstances of WWII. To begin with there is freedom of the people and political expression. For years, the democratic US, with an isolationist streak to its culture, dithered as a neutral. This only meant the scale of the task it faced was much larger when they eventually joined the fighting. Britain dithered too in the early stages, first with appeasement, then by toying with the prospect of peaceful coexistence with Nazi Germany and inaction during the phoney war. Britain also wasted important military resources through a misguided excursion on to mainland Europe to bolster the defensive lines of its allies. This excursion achieved nothing and would have been a complete loss were it not for the Dunkirk evacuation. It was only when Churchill succeeded Chamberlain as Prime Minister that Britain started to properly focus on the essential tasks needed to win a war against Germany. In contrast, the Soviet leader Stalin may have made many countless errors, but was able to maintain an absolute control that enabled his nation to defend resolutely and bounce back from devastating losses. Soviet citizens had little choice but to work and fight tirelessly. They laid down their lives in terrible numbers in the Battles for Moscow and Stalingrad and the siege of Leningrad, but they did not capitulate for fear of terrible reprisals. Others worked tirelessly to rebuild the Soviet industry far away from enemy lines, and this industry would eventually be able to not only replace the enormous Soviet losses, but overwhelm its enemies. Attitudes to personal liberty and the process of national decision made a difference to how ruthlessly the war effort was pursued. Different beliefs about a person’s rights and entitlements, what they should expect from life and how much they should be prepared to suffer, are just as important in determining how the would is governed today.

Other ingredients from history still feature prominently in the current mix. Food, energy, industry, trade and transport all played an important part in the story of events around November 1942. They are all just as important now. The availability of these resources, who controls them, how they are controlled, and the uses they are put to, will greatly determine what kind of world we live in. Morale and vision are important too. In order to inspire people, they must have a vision of what they want to do. Churchill cut through any pretensions to finding peace with the Germans and hardened the resolve to fight. He unified Britain around a message of stubborn defiance and total war. Hitler offered his own vision, which he used to unite the German people. His message was world domination and racial purity. Today, we still find similar extremes in the opposing visions of how the world should be run. The content of these visions are important, but so too is the extent to which they are used to bring groups of people together. A sense of common purpose, or its absence, will also shape the future for democracy.

WWII hastened the decline of one superpower, and bolstered the rise of two others. Great Britain, even when drawing upon the enormous reserves of its Empire, was barely able to contend with the focused industrial might of Germany. As an island nation, it could not even feed itself. Without trade, and enormous borrowing to pay for the imports it needed, Britain would have soon been defeated. In contrast, the demands of fighting a war helped to lift the USA out of recession and put its workers back into employment in order to service its phenomenal industrial output. Financing Britain through loans was a natural, and ultimately profitable, corollary to America’s rejuvenation. Today we may be seeing the emergence of different flows of industrial output and capital in the world economic ecosystem. Recent events have turned back the clock in Britain to a level of borrowing not seen outside of wartime. The same events have confirmed and underlined the shift in polarity of the US economic model. The US, which was once an industrial powerhouse, creator of wealth and exploiter of vast natural resources, may be entering a period of terminal decline. It supplies less of its own demands, is dependent on finance from other nations and is the importer of an unprecedented share of the world’s energy reserves. Meanwhile, countries like China are on the industrial rise. Control of valuable energy resources has enabled a diverse group of nations like Russia, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Venezuela to invest in their futures and extend their influence. New alliances are emerging, as strange in their own way as the bedfellows that WWII made of Japan and Germany or the US and Soviet Union.

Lest we forget, we are also at war today. Though the Iraq War continues to wind down, the war in Afghanistan persists as a staging ground in the nebulous ‘War on Terror’. The terrorist antagonists seem to be as international in scope as WWII was, though the ultimate goals on either side are much harder to identify. Where we can identify goals, they represent alternative visions of human liberty and morality that are seemingly impossible to reconcile. This conflict is harder to plot on a map than WWII, but its impact is just as real. It insidiously changes our perceptions of human nature. The product of fear and the tightened security it provokes is an unmeasured drain on economies, diverting resources from other uses. It also opens up new fronts in the ethical arguments about personal responsibility for our actions.

These are our present conditions. It is easier to judge history and execute hindsight, than to look ahead and anticipate the future. But the future is often determined by events that take place before people properly consider the possible consequences, just as the rise of the Nazis in Weimar Germany was as much a product of the crippling national debt imposed through WWI reparations as they were the product of ages-old racial antipathies. These conditions will shape the future of democracy, and hence of how people are governed and the lives they live. This point in time is a good time to take stock, see where we have come from, and where we are going to. I am not going to do that all now – this site is called halfthoughts for a reason – but I am going to explore these themes further in a series of upcoming posts. What I will say is that Churchill was right about El Alamein being the end of the beginning. The war continued for another three years, but the tide had turned with the aggressors forced backwards from then on. The events that unfolded subsequently could not be confidently predicted at the time, but they were profound. One of those events, to use another phrase coined by Churchill, was the drawing of the Iron Curtain across Europe. We live in times of change that are as dramatic, in their own way, as the period that lead up to that battle in November of 1942. They will determine how the human race will live in the 21st Century. Let us look ahead, and draw some analogies with history, in the hope we can better understand what the future has in store for democracy, and for all of us.