There are many reasons to hate Ricky Gervais. These are just ten of them.
1. ‘Little fella’
Ricky Gervais is not witty. If he has any wits, they definitely travel in the slow lane. More likely, his wits are parked straddling the slow lane and the hard shoulder, posing a danger to everybody with somewhere to go. Meanwhile, his body is behind some bushes, taking a piss whilst giggling at the size of his tiny dick.
The proof that Ricky Gervais is not witty is established by his repeated use of the phrase ‘little fella’. If you do not believe me, just google ‘little fella Ricky Gervais’ and you will be astounded by the 24,800 hits this search will generate. He uses the same phrases over and over because he lacks creative imagination and he believes, absent of any context, that the phrases themselves make him sound funny. However, referring to somebody as a ‘little fella’ is not funny. It is boorish.
2. He seeks the company of short men, in order to use the phrase ‘little fella’
I first identified Ricky Gervais’ tendency to repeat the phrase ‘little fella’ when he was the DJ for the morning show on London’s XFM radio channel. Indie music was brilliant in the late 90’s and it was worth putting up with Gervais’ tedious chatter to listen to some good new music during the morning commute. Gervais’ extraordinary overuse of the phrase ‘little fella’, coupled with his unhealthy obsession with telling stories about short people, left me unsurprised that he made Life’s Too Short in 2010. For people unfamiliar with this TV show, it is about making fun of somebody for being short, and stars Warwick Davis, who is very short. The mind boggles at the realization that Gervais spent over a decade developing the theme that short people are funny.
For avoidance of doubt, let me state that I am not short, and I have no personal axe to grind. I just do not find short people to be especially funny. Though it is true that any short person is statistically likely to be funnier than Ricky Gervais. For example, unlike Ricky Gervais, a short person might be good at telling jokes.
3. He ruined music
Gervais often presents himself as somebody who knows something about music. I can see no evidence to support this belief. On the contrary, when he was a radio DJ, there was every reason to believe he knew nothing about music. Other DJs on XFM, even the ones in prime slots, would influence the songs played on their show, and thus show signs of their personal taste. Gervais did not. He just played the standard setlist, and never said anything about the bands being played. He was too busy talking about ‘little fellas’ to mention music. Presumably his attitude to music is the same as his attitude to all things: he finds it interesting when it can be used as a tool to promote himself. It was a blessed relief when Gervais went to the loo, allowing listeners to enjoy two songs without interruption. Whilst his radio show was popular, that was because of the music, and not because of him. This is proven by observing that Christian O’Connell scored higher ratings when he took over as DJ of the XFM morning show.
4. He continues to ruin music
Sarcasm is not the lowest form of wit. Comedy songs are, in fact, the lowest form of wit. They are a refuge for people who need to read from a script, but have little aptitude for comic acting. Gervais tours with a band, performing as David Brent, a character from an overrated show that was only popular because the BBC stopped making funny sitcoms in the 1980’s. Since then, many people without satellite TV were left with only vague ideas of what funny TV looks like, except for when the BBC showed repeats of people discussing fork handles and not liking it up ’em.
Anyone attending Gervais’ gigs should be frowned upon, as they are only encouraging more denigration of music, in all its glorious forms. I sincerely hope that any short people in the audience are singled out for being ‘little fellas’ whilst Gervais condescendingly suggests they be allowed to stand at the front.
5. He is a mong-denier
All past and present schoolkids know that ‘mong’ is short for ‘mongoloid’, a derogatory reference to sufferers of Down’s syndrome. But when Gervais was criticized for using the word ‘mong’ to get cheap laughs, he denied there was any association to Down’s syndrome. As Gervais is a man who generates most of his humour with childish behaviour that belittles people for being stupid, or short, it strains credibility that he thinks there are no negative associations to the word ‘mong’.
6. His teeth are not that bad
Gervais is always prattling about his teeth, as if he possesses the worst teeth in the world. He even made a film where he played a dentist, because he finds his own teeth to be so funny. But the truth is that Ricky Gervais’ teeth are perfectly fine. Gervais’ only real reason for drawing attention to his teeth is because he is obsessively vain, whilst also suffering the kind of self-loathing that encourages some people to play the fool in order to earn some meaningless affection from an audience of strangers. Gervais’ real attitude to his appearance is better demonstrated by his dramatic weight loss in order to secure his career in Hollywood. Once he was fat. There are many comedians who chose to be fat in order to get bigger laughs. Gervais was fat, but then slimmed down. He must have calculated that the size of his talent does not correlate to the size of his waist. This was true in his case, because the number zero does not correlate to anything.
7. People only watched Extras for the guest stars
Everybody remembers the name of David Brent, the character played by Gervais in The Office. Nobody remembers the name of the character played by Gervais in his follow-up BBC sitcom, Extras. That is because the BBC, desperate for improved ratings to justify their licence fee, threw every guest star they could at the show, in the hopes of guaranteeing success. Kate Winslet, Sam Jackson and Patrick Stewart all did brilliantly funny star turns. The trick worked, though literally nobody noticed that Ricky Gervais was entirely unnecessary to the success of the show. If his second TV show had been a flop, Ricky Gervais’ career would be dead by now. So the BBC is to blame for everything that has happened since. Supporters of the BBC argue it is necessary to levy taxes to provide investment into riskier forms of entertainment, like comedy. Ricky Gervais is an excellent counterargument.
8. Karl Pilkington is quite funny
Karl Pilkington has evolved from one of Gervais’ sidekicks to a success in his own right, thanks to his ‘idiot abroad’ persona. But that begs a question. Pilkington was the producer of Gervais’ XFM radio show. Back in those days, he hardly ever spoke on-air. If Pilkington is funny now, is it safe to assume that he was funny then? And if so, why did it take well over 10 years before Pilkington was allowed in front of an audience? One might be tempted to thank Gervais, for helping Pilkington to achieve success. However, I tend to wonder how much better life might have been, if Pilkington had been doing the talking to the public, whilst Gervais sat in the producer’s booth, rambling to himself about ‘little fellas’.
9. The Flanimals are genuinely pointless
Like everybody else that cashes in on fame, Gervais has written books for children. His are about flanimals, which are ugly useless creatures. Gervais probably got the idea by looking in the mirror. It is a sad indictment of the publishing industry that Gervais accomplished bugger all by the age of 40, but was gifted a book deal immediately after his success with The Office. If he had an inclination to write stories for children, why wait until after he was a sitcom star?
10. I visited his website, and now I regret it
Though I try to avoid Gervais, petitions to save elephants, promoted via Facebook, inadvertently drew my attention to his continued existence. When it comes to dumb animals, I know which ones deserve to be saved, and which should be put down. As a consequence of the petition, I mistakenly decided to visit Gervais’ website, to see how awful it is. It was worse than I feared. Somebody should censor it for the sake of preserving the public’s mental health. No sane person would want to visit the website more than once. Devoid of any comedy, it is an endless series of adverts for Gervais’ shows and merchandise. Even the title of the website is boring and unoriginal: “RickyGervais.com, the website of Ricky Gervais… obviously.” A smarter man would have avoided the allusion to Gervais’ debilitating lack of subtlety. But then, smarter men do not make fun of short people and ‘mongs’.
Now that I have visited the website once, every other website I visit, whether it discusses Ukrainian politics or share prices in the US, now includes a ‘targeted’ advert for Gervais’ upcoming music tour. This has greatly magnified my anger at Ricky Gervais, for repeatedly reminding me how much I dislike him. And yet, I should be grateful. If it was not for those ads, I might not have written this. Gervais truly knows how to work his audience, even if they feel worked over.
The danger with writing a piece like this is that it invites scorn from fans of Ricky Gervais. If I offend anyone, let me sincerely express how happy that makes me feel. Please feel free to punish me, by loathing me as much as I loathe Gervais. With a bit of luck, my meagre talent for making fun of unfortunate halfwits might also be purloined into radio shows, TV series, children’s books and an upcoming Disney movie featuring the Muppets. How can I fail? I already have much funnier teeth.