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Preston Dirges Nears The End

In the last instalment of Preston Dirges’ office saga, Preston was briefing a hungover Valerie, and an ever ready Gordon, for the final audit meeting. We join them as the auditor, Thimbleby, is about to arrive…

Int. Preston’s Floor – Day

Preston goes back to his desk, and lifts up an electric kettle which he normally keeps hidden behind the desk. He switches it on, and fetches mugs from the filing cupboard. Preston’s phone rings. He puts its on speaker.

PRESTON: Preston Dirges.

GUARD (V.O.): Hello. Mr. Don Thimbleby is here to see you.

PRESTON: I’ll be right down.

Preston sits and waits for the kettle to boil. Valerie looks at him.

PRESTON: What? You were late arriving this morning. Why should I rush downstairs?

Preston’s phone rings again. He puts it on speaker again.

PRESTON: Preston Dirges.

DOUG: Preston, it’s Doug here. I understand you didn’t provide Kirsty with the update for her management report.

PRESTON: I’ll give the update this afternoon, after we’ve finished the final audit meeting.

DOUG: Is that right? That’s the final meeting, you say?

PRESTON: If all goes well, it’ll be the final meeting.

DOUG: Alright. See to it. And call me afterwards, to tell me how it went.

Doug hangs up.

VALERIE: What was that about?

PRESTON: They’re just keen to get this audit over with. Gordon, why don’t you go down and collect Thimbleby?

Gordon nods and leaves.

PRESTON: What you said last night – it opened my eyes. I’m leaving, perhaps by the end of today.

VALERIE: What did I say last night? I don’t really remember. In fact, I don’t remember much of what we did. Did we…?

PRESTON: What?

VALERIE: Don’t make this more awkward that it already is.

PRESTON: Have sex? I’m a bit old for you, aren’t I?

VALERIE: Is that a roundabout way of saying I’m too young for you?

PRESTON: No.

VALERIE: Then don’t tell me who’s too old or too whatever for me.

PRESTON: Okay, but we didn’t break my induction rule. We have to work together. At least, for today. (Pause) Are you saying I’m not too old for you? That you’d contemplate having sex with me?

VALERIE: Preston! I don’t think this is a good time to have this conversation.

PRESTON: Perhaps not, but I thought you brought it up.

VALERIE: Hopefully nobody brought anything up.

PRESTON: No, nobody did. You fell asleep, so I carried you to your bed. I struggled with the sofa bed for a while, then gave up and slept on the floor. At 6am I woke up feeling stiff and cold, so I went home, got ready, had breakfast for a change, and came in – on time.

VALERIE: So you didn’t set my alarm for me.

PRESTON: No.

VALERIE: Well, there’s my excuse for being late, boss.

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