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The Pitiful, Lyrical, and Least of the Political

Everybody loves a winner, or so the saying goes. Little affectionate attention is left for those who come last, and this is especially true of the great political race that lies at the heart of modern representative democracies. These democracies could not function without losers. When voters complain that their government is full of liars, or cheats, or morons, then they should look to each other. In a democracy, any one of us can stand, and win, though most will lose. People rarely stand in order to lose, though some do. To understand democracy, perhaps we need to occasionally pay some thought to who those losers are. In a previous blog, I wrote about the political parties that came rock bottom in the 2010 UK General Election. However, vote counts do not tell the whole story. So I went to one public resource where every British political party not only can, but must make a statement: the statements of accounts as required by the Electoral Commission. As with any accounting reports, nothing prohibits the party from divulging more than is needed, or giving extra commentary, or just using the opportunity to provide any explanation of the year’s events that they think appropriate. By now, any party should have submitted their 2010 accounts, though the most lax will inevitably fail to meet their obligations. I went through the returns to find stories from those political parties whose stories are rarely heard, and arguably do not deserve to be. This is what I found…

The PLC Party

This Dutch party defies description, so I will let their annual filing speak (at length) for itself. This is how they reviewed their political activities during the year:

When the PLC Party was formed in March 1983, the Founder focused on the year 2010 as the year that MIRACLE would descend on the Houses of Parliament and so, when some MPs were caught dancing on banana skins, members of the Party’s Planning and Development Committee saw an opportunity to field some 425 Candidates. Then, we had to look for money.

The Leader of the Party has always recognised himself as a Reluctant Representative of God on earth. He was looking for an amount in the region of £13,750,000.

Seven officers of the Rotterdam-Rijnmond Regional Police force gained unlawful entry into the registered address of the Party.

On 24/25 March 2010 the Leader was taken to a prison ship, known as “DE KALMER” in South Holland. The ship housed some 1200 Blacks. There were no blondes, blonds or peroxides. They were all Black.

For 3 months the Leader was fed on bread and tea for breakfase, bread and tea for lunch and more snacks for evening meal.

On the 6 May 2010, the day of the General Election in the UK, the leader was taken to Den Haag, to the Police HQ. In a small office on the ground floor, he was introduced to a black woman, wearing a Sharapova Trade mark ear ring – one of the ear rings was missing, presumably in a bed somewhere on the way to work!

Her name is MARGARET I. IGBINABARO. She turned out to be a Nigerian diplomat. Her diplomatic mission in Europe was to issue bogus EMERGENCY CERTIFICATES in respect of any Black person, introduced to her by the Dutch “foreign police”.

The leader was introduced to Miss M.I.I. As a result of that introduction, the Leader was bundled on to Flight KL 587 – Amsterdam Schiphol to a destination unknown, until, of course, the plane landed at Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Lagos, Nigeria.

So, 51 years after he left Nigeria, the Leader of the PLC found himself in the Wilderness, his political ambition in a shredder. But the old man will bounce back

Decide for yourself what that was all about. However, I can convey one pertinent fact. The PLC’s fund raising fell exactly £13,750,000 short of their £13,750,000 target.

The True English (Poetry) Party

This party seems to consist of exactly one member, Michael George Gibson, a poet who seems to be upset that other people write ‘word-things’ that lack rhymes and metre, and that they then call them ‘poems’. This has turned political, as explained in the annual report:

Trying to stir things up generally in the ‘poetry world’ and present a simple technical definition of poetry as an art of measure and rhythm. A letter was sent to the Rt. Hon. Jeremy Hunt MP.

Voices for Women

Women have a voice, but this is not it. They failed to update the reporting template, which means their overview reads as follows:

Insert Party’s Name

This should include a brief report of the main political activities undertaken and how the party has responded to any important events during the year.

To be fair, the party did not spend much money. Its expenditure was £25 on registering to be a political party… and nothing else.

British Jobs First

In contrast to the silent women, British Jobs First had the decency to explain that they were ‘dormant’. The prospects for British jobs must very bleak if it depends on the political campaigning of this party, because, as they explained in the statement signed 6th March 2011:

… we are both away till the New Year.

Are they working overseas?

The Anti-Political Political Party

It is possible to take a joke, or apathy, too far. The Anti-Politicals were another group who had nothing to say for themselves. In fact, their accounts said they raised and spent no money whatsoever – not even the mandatory fee for registering a party… so why bother filing an annual report?

ENG: The English National Group

This party did not do much, but they did it with a sense of humour:

The party has responded to important events with a combination of frustration and incomprehension at the activity of others.

The Fancy Dress Party

Despite the silly name, this party is very clear about its objectives and how to realize them in a way consistent with their principles:

At the election on 6th May, we polled fewer votes than expected and came last of all six contenders at Dartford. The rest of the year was spent fund raising to re-fill the Partys depleted Purse. At Christmas Alan Munro was voted best Dame for the second year.

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