Failing That…

I need a nap. Failing that, a powernap. Failing that, a coffee. Failing that, a smoke. Failing that, some sugar. Failing that, a holiday. Failing that, a new job. Failing that, early retirement. Failing that, a moan, which now I’ve had.

I need a haircut. Failing that, lots of gel. Failing that, a hat. Failing that, low light. Failing that, no light. Failing that, blind friends. Failing that, a beautiful and understanding girlfriend. Failing that, a blind girlfriend. Failing that, to stay in the house, which I did.

I need more time. Failing that, more time management. Failing that, a time machine. Failing that, more time-saving gadgets. Failing that, less to do. Failing that, servants. Failing that, trained animals. Failing that, to get up early. Failing that, to stay up late, which I did, and is why I need a nap.

I need new purpose in life. Failing that, a new life. Failing that, a new love interest. Failing that, a pet. Failing that, a pot plant. Failing that, to move. Failing that, to redecorate. Failing that, more TV channels. Failing that, to change the channel, and I might as well, as I stayed in anyway.

I need to win the lottery. Failing that, a rich relative to die. Failing that, a pay raise. Failing that, a new job. No wait, I failed that already. I need to stop thinking like this. Failing that, I should think this faster. That way, it will finish sooner. And now it has.